Why Breakups Don’t Mean You’re Broken + PODCAST!

This week’s installment is all about breakups.

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

Together with the fabulous Luna Lindsay, Kaley and Sarah reassure you that a broken relationship doesn’t mean you’re broken. The points below are a sample of the kind of wisdom you’ll hear on the full episode (listen below):

 

It’s Okay To Be Sad

Being sad about a breakup doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past. Grief is not mutually exclusive with moving your life forward. Just like I can walk and chew gum at the same time, it’s possible to feel wistful about a lost relationship while applying for new jobs, making new friends, or pursuing a new hobby. Everyone – even recently single people – contains multitudes.

So, don’t beat yourself up when you’re not feeling gleefully excited to be single at all times. It’s not pathetic to mourn a lost love; it’s human.

 

It’s Okay To Be Mad

Your smug cousin may claim it’s petty to be mad at a previous partner, but it’s not that simple. Obviously, there are breakups where people move on amicably. It’s possible for two people to move on graciously after realizing they’re incompatible. But not every couple breaks up because one of them wants to move to Australia while the other needs to stay in Toronto for work. But these fairytale breakups are the purview of the privileged few.

For many people, breakups are preceded by years of misery, punctuated by ugly arguments or months of silent treatment. Worse yet, some couples part ways out of the blue, the result of an unfathomable betrayal. Do you have to be nice about your partner abruptly walking out on you during a midlife crisis? Absolutely not! Should you still think fondly of the person who cheated on  you with your best friend? Hell no! You’re allowed to be furious about a breakup. For your own benefit, I’d advise you not to break any laws (Sorry, that means vandalizing their car is not an option); however, you’re not a lesser person if you have mean fantasies about your ex ending up with someone who wears socks with sandals and listens to Nickelback. It’s okay to be angry about how things ended!

 

It Doesn’t Matter When You Start Dating Again

There is no prescribed waiting period before getting back on the apps. Some people need an entire year or two to heal, and others are ready to set up a Tinder profile before their partner’s finished packing to move out. Only you know what you need! I’ve had six-month relationships so acrimonious, the recovery took almost a year. But, I’ve also felt ready to date again ten days after ending a fairly long-term partnership.

The best course of action is to do whatever you want where dating is concerned. Perhaps you’ll meet someone new on Bumble 48-hours after leaving your husband, and maybe you’ll swear off dating altogether and take a vow of celibacy. As always, our advice is, you do you!

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Sarah Sahagian

Sarah Sahagian

Sarah Sahagian is a feminist writer based in Toronto. Her byline has appeared in such publications as Elle Canada, Flare, Bitch Media, The Toronto Star, and The National Post. She is also the co-host of You Do You: A Dating Podcast. Sarah holds a master’s degree in Gender Studies from The London School of Economics. You can find her on Twitter, where she posts about politics and live-tweets The Bachelor

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