Is it really that hard to find love, or are we all looking in the wrong places? Books, podcasts, and love coaches deal with this topic and try to help people. There are even TV shows called Love Is Blind, where people try to fall in love without seeing the object of their affection. We’ve all heard solicited and mostly unsolicited pieces of advice from people who’ve never even dated in the last few years. But what can we really do to find love in the era of swipes and instant likes?
Do the work
The quest for love starts when you take out a mirror and take a deep and hard look at yourself. Do you know yourself? Have you ever thought about why you get triggered when someone acts a certain way? Did you take a look at your past relationships? Are there any similarities between your ex-partners? Or do you always act the same way and expect a different result? To succeed in love, you must do the work and discuss all these questions with a psychotherapist.
Get rid of the list
Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have the list. The person on the list has to be tall, dress in a certain manner, look a specific way, etc. But the list is exactly what leads to disappointment. What if the person on that list does not exist? So, the first step to overcoming the challenge is getting rid of the list and paying attention to how you feel around a person.
Get out there
If you want to find love, you need to get out there. Try online dating apps, but remember that you are more than just your profile. The point of dating apps is to meet in person, not text indefinitely. Take up hobbies, so you’ll be surrounded by new people. Strike up a conversation with someone while you wait in line to get your coffee. Life won’t happen to you if you sit behind a closed door waiting for someone to knock and ask Are you looking for love?
What do you want?
What are your dating goals? Do you know your values? What do you find attractive, both physically and mentally? The answers to these questions will help you understand your needs. Thus, you’ll know what you want. But we’re not talking about yet another list. Consider a dating agency if you want to know the answers to these questions and meet people who align with your values. If you’re in Australia, you can go to a dating agency Sydney, or find the one closest to you. It’s all about dating with confidence and meeting people who are a true match based on what you need.
Know your standards
When you know your standards, you’ll know which person is not up to a standard. If your standard is a relationship, anyone blatantly offering a situationship won’t meet your standards. However, when dating a new person, get to know them first through real-life situations first. Don’t just recite your standards on the first date. Get to know them, ask questions and communicate. Treat every consecutive date as a milestone towards finding a person who meets the standards.
Expectations vs yourself
Expectations are probably among the top reasons we think loving love is hard. We want love, and we are ready to love, so we project all our expectations on the first person we start dating. Unfortunately, expectations lead us to disappointment. So, notice how you behave early on in dating. If you attach quickly, pace yourself and prioritise other aspects of life so you won’t burn out quickly.
It takes effort
Finding love takes conscious effort. You need to be open-hearted, stay curious and lead a life that you love, even if you don’t have a partner. This way, anyone who enters your life will give to it, not come to it to make it better.
Accept that disappointment is also part of the process. That’s why you need to build self-awareness and train your dating muscles not to expect much too soon. Also, don’t be scared to communicate what you want and need. It can either result in a happy start with someone or you’ll be redirected to another.
Latest posts by Peter Minkoff (see all)
- Small Business Revolution: How AI is Transforming Operations - April 22, 2024
- 7 Negotiation Strategies for First-Home Buyers - April 16, 2024
- How to Navigate the Challenges of Finding Love - April 11, 2024