You know you want your life to feel different.
Maybe you wake up already tired. Maybe your days blur together. Maybe you keep thinking, “Is this it?” but every time you try to change something, you feel overwhelmed, lost, or like you’re just repeating the same patterns in a slightly different outfit.
You’re not alone in that feeling. A lot of people want noticeable change—a new chapter, a fresh start, a life that feels more like their own—but they get stuck at the same three points:
- They don’t know where to begin
- They don’t know what actually needs to change
- They don’t know how to create a plan they can stick to
If that’s you, this series is for you.
In this first part, we’re going to slow everything down and focus on the foundation:
- Seeing where you are clearly
- Identifying what truly needs to change
- Setting short- and long-term goals that are grounded in reality, not fantasy
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need a starting point.
Step 1: Press Pause and Take Inventory
Most of us try to change our lives the way we rearrange a messy drawer: we grab whatever’s on top, shove things around, and hope it feels better. That’s why so many attempts at change don’t last—they’re reactive instead of intentional.
So before you do anything else, press pause.
Grab a notebook, open a doc, or use the notes app on your phone. Create four headings:
- Work / Career
- Health / Energy
- Relationships / Community
- Self / Inner World (mindset, confidence, creativity, purpose)
Under each heading, answer these three questions as honestly as you can:
- What’s working?
- What’s not working?
- How do I feel about this area on a daily basis?
Don’t edit yourself to sound “reasonable.” If you hate your job, write it. If you feel lonely even when you’re surrounded by people, write that too. If you’re not sure how you feel, write “numb” or “confused.”
This isn’t about fixing anything yet. It’s about seeing your life clearly, maybe for the first time in a while.
Step 2: Look for Patterns, Not Just Problems
Once you’ve written everything out, read it back slowly. You’re looking for patterns, not just isolated complaints.
Ask yourself:
- What keeps showing up in different areas?
- What words or feelings repeat—tired, stuck, resentful, anxious, bored, invisible?
- Where do I feel most alive, even if it’s only in small moments?
Circle or highlight anything that:
- Drains you consistently
- Makes you feel small, trapped, or like you’re living someone else’s life
- You’ve been quietly tolerating for months or years
Then, for each circled item, ask:
- If nothing changed here for the next year, how would I feel?
If the answer is “devastated,” “exhausted,” or “I can’t imagine doing this for another year,” you’ve just identified a pressure point. That’s a clue. That’s an area that’s asking for change.
Step 3: Get Underneath the Surface
On the surface, it might look like you need a new job, a new city, a new relationship, or a new body. And sometimes, yes, external changes matter. But underneath most stuck feelings, there are deeper patterns.
Take a few of your biggest pain points and ask:
- What’s the real problem underneath this?
Examples:
- “I hate my job” might really be “I feel invisible, unappreciated, and like my strengths don’t matter here.”
- “I’m always exhausted” might be “I have no boundaries, so I’m constantly saying yes when I want to say no.”
- “I never have time for myself” might be “I’ve learned to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own because I’m scared of being seen as selfish.”
When you get honest about what’s underneath, your goals become more powerful. You’re not just trying to escape a situation—you’re trying to change the way you live and relate to yourself.
Step 4: Choose One Focus Area (For Now)
Here’s where a lot of people accidentally sabotage themselves: they try to change everything at once.
They decide they’re going to:
- Get in shape
- Change careers
- Fix their love life
- Start meditating
- Wake up at 5 a.m.
- And finally organize their entire apartment
All in the same month.
It’s no wonder they burn out.
Real change requires focus. So for the next 90 days, pick ONE main area to prioritize:
- Work / Career
- Health / Energy
- Relationships / Community
- Self / Inner World
Ask yourself:
- Which area, if it improved even a little, would positively affect everything else?
For example:
- If you had more energy, would work and relationships feel easier?
- If you felt more confident and grounded, would it be easier to set boundaries at work and in your personal life?
- If your relationships were healthier, would you feel more supported in making other changes?
Let your answer guide you. There’s no “perfect” choice—just a starting point.
Step 5: Turn Vague Wishes Into Clear Goals
Once you’ve chosen your focus area, write down your biggest vague wish for it. Don’t overthink it.
Examples:
- “I want to feel more in control of my life.”
- “I want to stop feeling so drained all the time.”
- “I want to feel like I’m actually moving forward, not just surviving.”
Now we’re going to translate that into:
- A 30-day goal
- A 90-day goal
- A 6–12 month direction
Let’s say your focus area is Self / Inner World, and your vague wish is:
“I want to feel more confident and in control of my life.”
You might turn that into:
- 30 days:
“Build a simple daily check-in so I actually know how I’m feeling and what I need, instead of running on autopilot.” - 90 days:
“Have 3–5 small routines that support my energy and confidence—like a basic sleep routine, movement, and a planning habit.” - 6–12 months:
“Feel grounded and intentional most days, with clear boundaries and a sense of direction about where my life is heading.”
Notice how we’re not promising a completely different life overnight. We’re building layers.
Step 6: Make Your Goals Measurable and Real
Vague goals die quickly. Clear goals have a fighting chance.
Take each goal and ask:
- How will I know I’ve done this?
- What does this look like in real life?
For example, “Build a daily check-in habit” might become:
- “Every evening, I’ll spend 5 minutes answering three questions:
- What went well today?
- What drained me?
- What do I need tomorrow?”
“Have 3–5 routines that support my energy” might become:
- “By 90 days, I’m consistently:
- In bed by 11 p.m. on weeknights
- Moving my body at least 3 times per week
- Taking 5 minutes each morning to plan my top 3 priorities
- Doing a 5-minute reflection at night”
Now your goals aren’t abstract. They’re actions you can see and track.
Step 7: Write a Simple, Honest Plan
This is where you turn intention into something you can actually live with.
Under your 30-day and 90-day goals, create three mini-lists:
- What I will start doing
- What I will stop doing
- What I will do when I feel like quitting
For example, if your focus is energy and sleep:
Start:
- Set a 10:30 p.m. reminder to wind down.
- Put my phone on “Do Not Disturb” at 10:30 p.m.
- Keep a book or journal by my bed instead of scrolling.
Stop:
- Stop saying yes to late-night plans on weeknights.
- Stop bringing my laptop into bed.
- Stop telling myself “I’ll just watch one more episode” when I know I won’t.
When I feel like quitting:
- I’ll allow myself to do the “bare minimum version” instead of nothing:
- 1 minute of journaling instead of 5
- A 10-minute walk instead of a full workout
- Lights out by midnight instead of 2 a.m.
The point isn’t perfection. It’s continuity. You’re building trust with yourself that you’ll keep showing up, even if it’s in small ways.
Step 8: Expect Resistance (And Plan For It)
This might be the most important step.
Change, even positive change, is uncomfortable. Your brain is wired to prefer the familiar, even if the familiar isn’t good for you. So when you start doing things differently, expect resistance.
It might sound like:
- “This is too hard.”
- “You’re not the kind of person who sticks with things.”
- “You’ve tried before and failed—why bother?”
Instead of taking those thoughts as truth, treat them as noise your brain makes when it’s scared of the unknown.
Write down:
- The excuses you usually make when you try to change
- The situations that usually pull you off track (stress, loneliness, boredom, certain people, certain places)
- One different way you’ll respond this time
For example:
- Excuse: “I’m too tired today.”
New response: “I’ll do the 2-minute version instead of skipping entirely.” - Situation: “Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I shut down and scroll for hours.”
New response: “When I feel overwhelmed, I’ll set a 10-minute timer to scroll guilt-free, then do one tiny action that helps me—like making a to-do list or taking a short walk.”
You’re not weak for feeling resistance. You’re human. The difference now is that you’re planning for it instead of pretending it won’t show up.
Step 9: Give Yourself Permission to Start Small
You might feel pressure to make your “big change” look dramatic—new job, new body, new city, new everything. But the truth is, most lives don’t change in one big moment. They change in a series of small, almost invisible decisions.
- The night you go to bed 30 minutes earlier instead of doom-scrolling
- The morning you write down your feelings instead of stuffing them down
- The day you say “no” to something that drains you, even though you’re scared of disappointing someone
Those choices don’t look impressive from the outside. No one’s going to clap for you. But they add up. They quietly shift the direction of your life.
So if you’re feeling stuck and unsure where to start, let this be your permission slip:
You are allowed to start small. You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to build a life that feels better one honest step at a time.
In Part 2, we’ll move from planning to living: how to change your daily activities and outlook in ways that support long-term change—without needing superhuman discipline. We’ll talk about tiny habits, self-talk, and how to design days that actually match the life you say you want.
*If you’re looking for help or guidance to make a change in your life, visit my help page today to access information, my course, and an array of other resources.
markmunroe
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