This week, we’re tackling 2000s women’s fashion, a topic that proves we do indeed live in The Darkest Timeline! The first decade of the millennium featured seismic events. From 9/11 to The Great recession and so much else, the 00s were a time full of hardship and tragedy. However, I’m not being flippant when I say that, trying as this decade could be, the fashion exacerbated tensions! Anyone who’s ever had to attend an anti-war protest in low-rise jeans can attest to how uncomfortable this period was for anyone wearing ladies’ fashions.
Sadly, the “Twenty Year Trend Cycle” means various 2000s trends are insinuating themselves back into the style conversation. However, there are some things we should absolutely resist. Here’s a list!
Simply put, tube tops are not real tops. They defeat the purpose of tops, because a top is supposed to cover your person; it’s useless if it’s constantly falling down around your belly button. Also, any top that necessitates wearing a strapless bra is fascist nonsense. Refusing to wear tube tops is central to my identity as a feminist…
Whether you prefer bootcuts to a skinny jean is a matter of personal preference; however, low-rise jeans are a horse of a different colour. Frankly, they’re a public health hazard! You basically can’t sit down while wearing such pants, and if you do, the risk of one’s bare bottom making contact with a park bench or a booth at Jack Astor’s is very real. Trust me, I’ve survived such experiences, and they were terrifying!
I personally believe low-rise jeans were a conspiracy. I posit that the waxing industry paid off designers to popularize such fashions. Don’t believe me? Think about it: how much more did you invest in waxing when The Gap stopped selling jeans that came up to your natural waist? The beauty standards of the era demanded femmes spend half of our disposable income on hair removal. If you add up a decade’s worth of waxing bills, I probably could have taken a trip to Thailand! The 00s were dominated by the Long and Shiny Torso Industrial Complex. It was a bleak time I’m determined to forget…
Heels With Jeans
Blue jeans were invented to be comfy and casual. Jeans are the epitome of easy elegance. So, it was nothing short of sacrilege when The 00s Fashion Industry confiscated our sneakers and demanded we wear six-inch heels with denim instead. Thank Goodness for the return of Adidas!
If you’re the type of person who enjoys sleeveless styles, I’m here for it! However, some of us get chilly. The 00s saw a proliferation of strapless and sleeveless clothes that made it nearly impossible for people who run cold to leave the house. In an enlightened style environment, sleeves should at least be an option!
If designers ever come for my sleeves again, I will revolt. See you on the battlefield!
*header photo by Alice Moreno (who also wrote a great analysis of 2000s Fashion here!)