Sometimes we all make mistakes. Marrying the wrong person is one of them.
Divorce can be challenging and uncomfortable. Rapid upcoming changes can be stressful, frustrating, and overwhelmingly emotional. The most crucial part of this process in your life is to plan the divorce while taking care of your mental health. That means letting go, making a plan and sticking to it.
So what are some common mistakes people make when separating? While there are many, here are five mistakes to avoid when getting divorced.
Photo by cottonbro
Don’t Get Fooled by Your Feelings
Initially blinded with love, we may not see the negatives associated with our ex-es. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Maybe your ex was compulsive or even aggressive, or maybe you were married to a narcissist? We never want to assign bad qualities to a person who we used to love.
With time away, it’s often easier to see what the negatives where, what they part they took in that, and what you may have done wrong as well.
Not Planning Your Status Quo Settlement
While preparing this settlement, we can be relatively narrow-minded by focusing on our present expenses but not those in the future. You never know when you might lose your job or get sick and need to pay for the treatment. Plan any future aspects, including all the possibilities which might happen sooner or later. Don’t hesitate to contact a specialist who can give you advice, improving the professionalism of all the divorce paperwork submitted by you.
The Vision of a Luxurious Lifestyle
Unrealistic lifestyle expectations after a divorce might lead to great disappointment.
Remember that your income after splitting up with your partner might not be as satisfying as you expected. The first question that pops to your heads is if you should sell your house. An emotional breakdown usually accompanies those life decisions. Nobody likes those types of changes. Shifting your mind into thinking that this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life, filled with new amazing things, aka having a positive outlook, will most probably make things easier.
As parents, we all want to provide the best for our kids, including the stability of their lifestyles. Increased expenses caused by living alone might not give you as many possibilities to spoil your children as before the divorce. The pressure of maintaining good relations with your bundles of joy can be the main reason for your stress. Ask yourself these four questions if you feel that you are not keeping up with your financial plans.
- Will this action influence the finances of my family in the next three years?
- If I decide to spend my money on something, will I still be able to meet my financial goals?
- What will my financial actions teach my kids about the value of money?
Asking yourself those three questions should help you understand your post-divorce situation better and stick to your financial goals to provide for your kids.
Avoiding the Details
Opening up about your life and spending hours reading every sentence of your law procedure documents can be tiring. The need to deliver the information to support the negotiations with your ex-partner is one of the most important yet neglected aspects of the divorce.
In the case of having children, even with a fully responsible partner avoiding the matter of financial details might bring many long-term problems. Keeping a record of your maintenance costs and sharing it with your ex-spouse is the key to good co-parenting. Sometimes when your ex is imprudent, the matter of settlements might get complicated and challenging. That is why setting clear financial rules included in divorce documents can help you make the costs of raising your children straightforward and stress-free.
Letting the Emotions Get Control over You
Though this can be often easier said than done divorce is considered as one of the most traumatic experiences of adulthood. Letting your emotions win over your common sense will make things even worse. Arguments filled with tears and uncontrolled emotions might not look acceptable to a judge. In favour of your new beginning in life, try several techniques to let go of bitterness. Physical activities, bullet journaling, or a simple conversation with your friend might fix the problem.
Seeking professional help through and after the period may also be of great help. Speaking with someone who can not only listen but hopefully help give you the proper tools to cope during this hard time can make all the difference.
The Bottom Line
Divorce is an emotional period of life filled with thousands of thoughts. Besides implementing some of the tips above, remember to take care of your mental health.
By reviewing your options, you can find the best way possible to finish this matter and start moving on. Don’t feel embarrassed to talk about your problems with a therapist or a friend. Support from your closest relatives might be a crucial factor in helping you to cope with situations of this type. Now is the time for self-reflection and preparation for the new chapter in your life.