When It’s Okay To Ghost People…

I have a very controversial opinion: I don’t think ghosting is that bad.

*Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas from Pexels

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe it’s inappropriate to ghost one’s spouse of sixteen years – or even one’s boyfriend of six months. However, there are times when ghosting can be useful , or even preferable to an in-person breakup. Here’s are three situations when ghosting could quite reasonably be your go-to move.


1. When You’re Afraid For Your Safety

Any straight woman who’s used a dating app knows the feeling that the world seems full of straight up psychopaths. These are people who can keep it together long enough to send you a few pleasant texts about your favorite taco trucks before meeting you for a drink IRL, then inquiring about the color of your panties within the first five minutes. I’ve been on dates with men who took out their rage issues by yelling at waiters, men who had rape issues (i.e. they tried to rape me), and men who were fans of Jordan Peterson. All those experiences made me realize life is short, so why consort with someone who makes you feel unsafe? Once you discover that someone scares you, there’s no reason to subject yourself to further contact with them.

If someone is acting sinister, what is the point of having further interactions? In fact, it’s possible that texting a rejection to a problematic person (even a carefully worded one) could provoke an extreme, even dangerous, reaction. So, feel free to block their number without explanation!


2. When Someone’s Been Rude To You

It’s pretty clear why it’s okay to ignore someone dangerous; however, there’s no reason to subject yourself to someone who’s been disrespectful, either. I once had a guy mock my career choices on a first date at a cut-rate brewery he selected. Understandably, I was not impressed. Nor did I feel the need to reach out and tell him so. I decided not to waste more of precious time on a person who didn’t respect how I used my time.

If someone you’ve been on 1-3 dates with is inappropriate or impolite, there’s no reason to treat them to your best behavior, either. Sure, it’s nice when people craft a sensitive speech or email about how they just don’t see a future with this person, but why waste your niceties on someone who definitely wouldn’t give you the same courtesy? Pet a dog, donate to a charity, or go to a spin class instead!


3. When Someone’s Been MIA

Have you ever enjoyed some fun dates with somebody who inexplicably went MIA, only to resurface few weeks later? Said missing person usually reappears armed with an unimaginative excuse like, “I’ve been busy at work!” Well, I’m here to tell you this truth; no one’s job is so demanding they can’t pick up the damn phone! In fact, offices are usually full of phones, so even when someone is stuck at work without their android charger, they can still call you! Even Chrissy Teigen, who has two kids, a thousand jobs, and a delightful social media presence, is not too busy to text people she cares about. And my guess is whomever you’re dating is probably not as busy and important as Chrissy Teigen (who is?). If a potential paramour benches you for more than a few days, do not dignify their “u up?” text with a response. Channel your inner Caspar and ghost their ass!


Have you ever been ghosted or have ghosted someone?  Share your story with us on social media at @weraddicted today!

Sarah Sahagian

Sarah Sahagian

Sarah Sahagian is a feminist writer based in Toronto. Her byline has appeared in such publications as Elle Canada, Flare, Bitch Media, The Toronto Star, and The National Post. She is also the co-host of You Do You: A Dating Podcast. Sarah holds a master’s degree in Gender Studies from The London School of Economics. You can find her on Twitter, where she posts about politics and live-tweets The Bachelor