Going through a divorce is never easy, and it’s certainly one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It can be particularly hard if you have kids, and this is one reason why divorce ends badly. Trying to respect your family, protect your children, and save your dignity is sometimes impossible, so you need to be extra careful how you’re handling these things. Divorce has a major impact on your life and your family dynamic and thinking every step through is more than important. If this is something you might be facing in the near future, here are a few things you should know about the impact a divorce can have on your loved ones.
Plan things ahead
Getting divorced isn’t something anyone really plans for. Divorce tends to come as a surprise to one or other spouse and more often than not the children too. That being said, as divorce continues to become more commonplace, it might be worth thinking about a play of action in advance. Okay, so it’s not the most romantic way to go into a marriage but it could save all parties unnecessary heartache in the worst case scenario.
In case of separation, which often comes before a divorce, you need to get ready and create a sustainable strategy for yourself. Start with simple things like taking some time off and directing your energy towards yourself. Then, assess your financial situation and your partner’s finances too, just to be sure what’s going on. In the end, focus on your children and talk them through the situation, explaining to them what’s exactly going on.
Decide what (not) to tell your kids
One of the problems with divorces is that they’re often perceived as a battle with a clear loser and an obvious winner – the latter being the person with the custody over the children. While that might be true in certain cases, it’s not always like that and the fact is that divorce should try and disrupt the lives of children as little as possible. Of course, they should be familiar with the situation, but not all kids can handle the truth in the same way.
You’ll want to consider carefully what you choose to share with them. They have to know and understand why divorce is the best option for their parents, but they don’t need to be aware of every detail. So, be careful what you’re sharing with your children, and don’t talk bad about your ex – that person is still a parent to your kids, and therefore a part of their lives forever.
Talk to a professional
Even though divorce is a private matter and shouldn’t be discussed publicly, you’re still going to need some professional help. You won’t be able to talk to the court without a lawyer, for instance, which is why you need to find the best one you can afford. A great lawyer can make a major difference in your divorce, so find experts in family law who can make sure your rights and feelings are protected and safe.
In addition to amazing lawyers, you might also be needing someone to talk to. Whether it’s a therapist, a priest, a support group or your best friend – sharing your feelings and deepest thoughts with these people is going to make all the difference. Instead of ignoring your feelings, you need to let it all out and share your pain with another person. The same goes for your children, so make sure you’re listening to them or at least take them to someone who can do it better than you.
Take care of yourself
Losing your spouse and a part of your family is never easy, no matter how much time you’ve spent with that person and whether you have children or not. This is basically the end of an era in your life and a moment when you have to reevaluate your decisions and think them through once again. This is something none of us love doing, but being introspective and dedicating some time to yourself is the only way to move on and, therefore, one of the most important steps in this entire process.
Luckily, there are lots of things you can do in order to cope with a broken heart after going through a divorce. Firstly, try not to dwell on the negatives; this is a time for you to release your emotions and start afresh. Give yourself the time and space to grieve the relationship, but don’t allow that grief to turn into depression. Finally, find a support system and get in touch with people who will cheer you up – keep in mind that being alone isn’t always the healthiest situation to be in. Spend time with your friends and loved ones.
Getting divorced is hard, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s the beginning of a whole new one.