Divorcing someone you once loved or still love can be one of the hardest moments in your life. This process can mean losing your best friend, lover, and confidant, and if you have children together, the process can be even harder. The pain associated with divorce can seem unbearable and even unimaginable at times, but just know it’s not the end of the world and you will be able to get through it.
The American Psychological Association states that over 90 percent of Americans get married by the age of 50. Out of the 90 percent of people who get married, 40-50 percent of the couples end their marriages in divorce. Those numbers aren’t very encouraging, but they are a lot of people’s realities.
Although there is no cure for a broken heart, there are approaches you can take to ease that devastating pain. It hurts right now, but you will get through this, I promise. Start by considering some of these approaches to coping with your divorce.
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
When you hear the word grieve, we typically associate it with death… the loss of a loved one. The same could be said about divorce, right? It’s the death of your marriage, and the loss of the hopes and dreams you had for a future together. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one or the loss of a marriage, both require grief.
When grieving divorce, people have different reactions and experience various emotions. Some people experience the emotions in the order that they are here in the situation, others may only experience a few emotions, and some may experience none.
Feelings of Depression
Loss of appetite and sleep are tell-tale signs of depression due to separation shock. A person might experience increased loneliness, sadness and random moments of crying and anger.
Feelings of Guilt and Anger
Typically, one spouse wants the divorce more than the other. The person who wants out usually feels emotions of guilt and blames everything on themselves. The other spouse feels more so the emotion of anger and hurt, and sometimes betrayal. Both people in the marriage end up getting hurt, essentially.
Feelings of Acceptance
Coming to grips with the divorce, and accepting that the marriage is over is the goal of a divorce but also the hardest part of a divorce too. Once you’ve been able to accept the divorce, you might experience feelings of accomplishment, and regain self-confidence and strength.
Don’t Go It Alone
Understand, divorce is definitely a very difficult situation to go through. Some people might even feel embarrassed about such a private matter but it’s important to not go through it alone. Whether it’s your friends or family, it’s helpful to have an emotional support system to lean on.
Also when facing the process of divorce, you’re going to need a legal support system behind you to help you get your life back on track. Let’s face it, you are going through a lot emotionally, but the reality is you will be going through a lot legally too. Between support from your friends, family, and supportive law firm, you definitely won’t be going through this tough time by yourself.
Maintain a Healthy Perspective
This is the area where you don’t want to get caught in the trap of negative thoughts. Thoughts like you’ll never find love again, it’s all your fault, and the dreaded, you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. Those are the thoughts you have to kick.
When you’re going through the divorce process look to the positive and focus on the big picture. Ask yourself questions like:
- Has this experience changed you for the better?
- Do you feel stronger?
- If you can survive this, imagine what else you can conquer!
Instead of looking at all the negative from your marriage look at the positive. From your marriage, maybe you gained two beautiful children, maybe you learned how to change a tire, and if nothing else, you learned how to be strong for yourself. Once you’ve reached a certain point in your independence, your divorce will soon be a thing of the past.
Put the Focus Back on Yourself
When you get married, two individuals become one. After a divorce, that single unit returns back to two individuals. From this point, you’ll be getting back to reacquainting yourself with… yourself! Work on your self-esteem.
Before you got married, maybe you enjoyed roller skating or wanted to go back to school but life got in the way of that. Well now that you don’t have a spouse to incorporate into your plans, you can now shift your focus from the marriage to yourself. You should also ask yourself if returning to your maiden name will help you move on from the divorce? If you decide to go back to your maiden name, ensure that you have the proper documents on hand, like your marriage certificate and divorce order. Changing your name on utilities, driver’s license, passport, email, etc. will require these documents as well as some time and effort to do so. Also, note that the time it takes to get all your records changed will vary from state to state so ensure that you give yourself ample time to fill out all the paperwork. To find out more about for example the name change process in California visit websites like EZ Name Change.