Life Lessons From Being The Other Woman, Part 2

I’ve written before about being the other woman, and unfortunately for me this trend still remains a very real issue in my life. The only thing that has changed, however, is my opinion on being the other woman. When we last spoke on the subject, I was very new to the concept of being pursued by taken men (side note: the fact that I’m now used to the concept is devastating, but I digress). Currently, I can no longer count on one hand how many times I’ve been in this situation, and have gained a whole new perspective on the subject. First of all, I feel like I need to re-state (as I did in my first article) that I’m not out on the town seeking out men with wifeys at home. It definitely seems, however, that they’re out seeking me. Second of all, I’ve never known the girlfriends in question, and regardless as to what your (ever immaculate I’m sure) moral compasses tell you, that does make a difference.

I know what it’s like to be in a committed, long-term relationship. Guess what: it gets fucking boring. You stop making an effort to look good for one another, the sex starts to dwindle and become more utilitarian than anything else, and there’s nothing new and exciting anymore. Sometimes these ruts don’t matter, the relationships are amazing, and you live happily ever after. But more often than not (sorry) both parties have simply fallen into a routine that would take more effort to get out of than it takes to stay in, so it rolls along until you’ve both wasted so much time that you just learn to live with it. I completely understand the temptation to get attention from anyone who isn’t your significant other. Every time something has happened between me and a guy with a girlfriend, I tell them the stark reality of the situation: you need to break up with her. This isn’t said out of malice towards the girl – quite the opposite, in fact. No girl should have to be blissfully unaware that while their boyfriend texts them “Miss you, baby”, they’re laying in bed with me, or any other human being for that matter.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. I’m coming off as a jaded, callous bitch; but quite frankly, their relationships are none of my business. I’m a single adult, who is free to see and do whomever I want. The guy in the situation is also a fully adult person – if he is making the conscious decision to walk with me to my apartment at 5am before sheepishly telling me that he has a girlfriend back in [insert the most recent guy’s country of origin here], that’s his prerogative. Whether or not I allow the situation to take place at that point is peripheral to the fact that he was willing enough to go through with it that he walked all the way to my door before telling me a girlfriend was ever part of the equation. If his girlfriend found out about that fact alone, whether we had sex or not would be irrelevant.

Do I feel bad? I mean, sure, it isn’t ever my proudest moment. But I’m not wasting any more of my time being held accountable for other people’s feelings and relationships. If I should feel guilty, the guilt he’s feeling should be exponentially worse. And while I understand that guilt distribution shouldn’t be a justification for my actions, if he doesn’t seem too concerned about it, why should I? I’m relying on him to make proper decisions regarding his commitments. It’s not up to me to decide whether or not he’s behaving badly within the perimeters of his relationship. No, he shouldn’t cheat, but it isn’t my job to uphold his commitments to his girlfriend. Even if the world was solely occupied with people as morally bankrupt as I apparently am, it shouldn’t make a difference: every person who has told another person that they won’t ever cheat should keep their fucking word and leave me, and the other girls they’re trying to entice, out of it.


Alex Payne

Alex Payne

Contributor at Addicted
Alex Payne is a writer/editor/blogger living in Toronto, and a complete pop culture junkie, writing about music, dating, and whatever else she wants to rant about. She's obsessed with cupcakes, Kate Spade and The Simpsons. Oh, and vodka.
Alex Payne

1 comment

  1. brandenmyall

    You sound like you need some professional counseling and/or life coaching for yourself. You are diminishing your abhorrent behavior by implying there is only one responsible party in these situations that you keep getting yourself into. Since you are not the one in a committed relationship, you have zero responsibility to make the right decision? What if the man has children…does that also not matter? More importantly, what has happened to you in your life that you have such little self-respect for yourself and such low self-esteem that you are perpetually in these situations with unavailable men? You’re a hook-up. You’re new pu**y all the time and….that’s basically it. They may be the ones out looking, but you certainly aren’t turning them down. I hope that changes for you.