Last week, I discussed the idea that we’ve turned the dating scene into a battlefield. It’s true, if you’re single in 2016, it really is a war out there. Dating is confusing, conflicting and sometimes downright crazy, and that can be said no matter what perspective you’re coming from. Since I’m a straight female who has resigned herself to the head scratching insanity that is dating straight men in Toronto, I figured I’d share some of the strange and SMH (shake my head) worthy experiences I’ve had in my dealings with the men of the 6ix.
When men get ahead of themselves
The other day I had a date with a man that ended up in us coming back to my house for a nightcap. I excuse myself to go to the little girl’s room (do you call it that when it’s your own bathroom?) only to return to find him sprawled out on my bed in nothing but his turquoise manties. First of all, this guy must hold the record for quickest undressing because I was only gone for a couple of minutes. Second of all, I hadn’t even had the chance to pour the aforementioned nightcap cocktails before he’d presumed that the night would end in sexy time fun. Men, confidence is sexy, presumption is not. And while your fantasy may be to go to the bathroom and find a half naked woman in your bed, that’s not a universal turn on. Take the time to undress WITH your partner, to ensure you’re both on the same page when it comes to how the night will go.
What is UP with dudes and choking these days? I mean, to each their own – if you get off on choking out your partner during sex, then power to you. But, I would hope, that said choke session was preceded by a frank discussion in which explicit consent for subsequent choking activities was obtained, and choking ensued between two consenting adults in a safe, respectful and mutually beneficial manner. Sadly, and as evidenced by recent legal proceedings in our fair city, the men of Toronto, are surprise choking their partners all over town, and perhaps even in the surrounding area. Guys, to speak frankly, that shit’s not cool. Do not put your hands around the throat of your partner in your first sexual encounter. Actually, do not choke your partner out EVER unless you know that she’s ok with it. In fact, take the time to ensure that she’s ok with it, lest you end up in court, or have your name used as a verb to describe a bad and non-consensual sexual encounter.
Surprise butt stuff
I’ve definitely written about this before but apparently it bears repeating. STOP WITH THE SURPRISE ATTEMPTS AT ANAL PLAY GUYS. It’s just not cool. Physically, it’s just uncomfortable. Mentally, beyond being just plain rude, it’s actually a huge violation. With every sexual act, consent should be obtained from both parties. So before just trying to jam whatever appendage you feel like into your partner’s rear pucker, discuss it beforehand, and go through the proper motions to ensure that BOTH parties are prepared to enjoy whatever is to come.
This is another one that, you would think, is sexual knowledge 101 for a grown ass man, but apparently, IT’S NOT! While all it may take for a guy to get turned on enough for intercourse is a flashback to an eighties Oil of Olay commercial, it takes us ladies a little bit more effort. And that’s what foreplay is for! I know you boys know this, but it sure doesn’t seem like it sometime. So whatever your particular brand of foreplay may be, dust of those skills you acquired before girls let you stick your penis in their vaginas and make sure your gal is good and ready. Both of you will be grateful you took the time to make sure you both enjoy sex, and hey, chance are you’ll enjoy the prework just as much as she will.
Ghosting only to revive to attempt a booty call
Spending time with the opposite sex in the 6ix means that I and many other ladies in town are all too familiar with this concept, but I still find myself surprised and annoyed every time it happens. Ghosting, in general, is bullshit. Ghosting only to come back and try to use us for sex is lazy, and downright insulting. For the most part, we’re big girls – if all you wanted in the first place was sex, just say it and let us decide if that’s all we wanted to. Don’t disappear, only to reappear in text form in the middle of the night when your dick is the only thing you’re thinking with.
Guys and gals, what’s the opposite sex doing that’s got you shaking your head out there? Tweet to us at @weraddicted and share your own experiences of dating in 2016.