As a single woman trying to navigate the brave new world of online dating, I’ve discovered that there’s a secret language being used among the men on these apps. If the statement “read between the lines” has ever needed to be applied anywhere, it’s on dating apps, where words come before actions, and you’re left to figure out what someone actually means and what that means for you.
The screenshot folder on my phone is filled with examples of the headshaking shit that men have said to me in the context of a post-match getting to know you conversation. For this week’s Addicted to love, I’ve compiled a sort of best of list, but instead of a best of, it’s more of a “most WTF” worthy things that men have said, and the even more WTF reality behind the words they are saying. So here are some direct quotes from men on dating apps and their translation, for your reading and learning pleasure!
35 year old male, Hinge
(upon learning we live in the same neighborhood)
You home now? Nice and close to me. Hmmmm.
It would be super convenient for us to have sex now.
31 year old male, Bumble
I’m looking for someone with daddy issues.
I’m looking for a woman that I can PUA style manipulate into having sex with me. Is that you?
36 year old male, Tinder
Want to cuddle?
I just want to have sex with you.
41 year old male, Happn
I hate dates. I just like cuddling.
I’m not interested in you (or any woman) as a human, I just want to have sex with you (or any woman).
31 Year old from The League
I’ve heard that tattoos are correlated with sex drive
You have a lot of tattoos, so you’ll probably want to have sex with me.
You probably don’t seriously want to date a 31 year old?
You’re too old for me (at 37) to want to date, but I still want to have sex with you.
I want kids, but not for another 5 years, so that kinda limits a serious relationship
You’re DEFINITELY too old for me to date, let alone consider marrying, let alone consider trying to put my seed in your soon to be decrepit womb.
Yes, all the same guy. Quite a gem huh?
Two different men, in their 30s, Bumble
Do you have a big butt? I won’t be attracted to you if you don’t.
You crop your butt out of all your photos. Can you send me a photo of your butt?
I’ve literally reduced the value of a woman to the size of her posterior, and I’m proud of it. Also, show me your butt and if it’s big, I’d like to have sex with you.
I sometimes wonder what I’ve done to be so lucky to attract gentlemen like these guys…
So as we’ve learned, sometimes men don’t always say what they mean on dating apps. But to remind everyone that not every guy is doing that, I figured I’d leave you with this example of a man who was very clear about what he meant and what he wanted. Let’s applaud scribbled out dude for bringing honesty back to dating apps! And GIPHY for giving us the option of GIFs to express the emotions that words can’t always convey.
Got some crazy dating app stories? Share them with us on Twitter @weraddicted and @thenadiae !
*Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels