Have you ever met someone and everything just felt instantly amazing. Your eyes locked and the connection was electric. You shake hands and the attraction is undeniable. The conversation begins, and your banter was immediately romcom worthy. Everything is perfect…EXCEPT it’s actually not. The person you’ve just found that amazing connection with is_______. You can fill in that blank with just about anything. He or she is already in a relationship. He or she is just getting out of a relationship, and not ready for something new. They’ve visiting from another country. The possibilities are numerous and endless, just like people who meet and connect with each other on any given day, in any given place, at any given time. So while a connection is key, timing is everything.
I’ve found myself in this type of situation more times than I’d like to admit. When you’re 35, not a nun and still single, you meet a fair amount of people and things sometimes turn romantic, whether that’s the intention or not. But every person comes with a different story and set of circumstances, and sometimes, even when the chemistry is amazing, those circumstances aren’t conducive to fulfilling the prophecy your connection may predict. Sadly, life is not a romantic comedy, except for that one time when it was. While I’ve heard those happy ending stories where a guy leaves his girlfriend to marry the love of his life, or moves over from across the ocean to be with the one he loves, etc etc, those happily ever after’s are few and far between, and they have never happened to me. But here are a couple of stories that have.
Years ago, I interviewed a musician, and our connection was electric. It was so intense that we got lost in our conversation long after the interview ended, and he ended up being late to the show – his own show that is. Promises to meet up later that night over a drink were thwarted by drunken friends and lost cellphones, and by the time I was able to return to the place of our meeting, he was loading out and the moment was over. Over a year went by and I ran into him again at a bar. We were both off duty, and we got to chatting and the subject of that faithful interview came up, with each other confirming that we had both indeed felt that insane electricity, and despite the passage of time, were feeling it just as strongly. Unfortunately, another fact was confirmed – he’d started seeing someone, it was serious, and our moment had passed, even while our insane chemistry endured. While some may have followed through to see how far that chemistry went, he was a loyal, sweet guy, and I couldn’t but respect that. I still to this day wonder what could have been, but now I’ll probably never know. In the end, timing really was everything.
Fast forward to more recently. A chance meeting with a public figure that I’d always harboured a crush on lead to some flirtation. It was surreal – the rockstar I was infatuated with from afar was now even more infatuated with me from right up close. He was complimentary, kind, attentive and enthusiastic in his pursuit of me, and I was of course intrigued. I was also flattered beyond belief – remember, this was someone I thought I’d never have a chance with, and for a moment I entertained the idea of finally fulfilling that rock star girlfriend fantasy status. However, time was not on my side. As we were finally connecting and realizing a mutual attraction, the spectre of his life and previous relationship problems, and my own recent, inconvenient and all-consuming developments, loomed over the potential romance. While many would throw caution to the wind and go with it, wedding ring tan (or tattoo in this case) a fresh, stark reminder of reality and clouds of other complications swirling all around, I couldn’t do it. Had I met this person a year from now, baggage on both sides unpacked and long forgotten, things may have gone differently. I would have proceeded to explore our connection, unencumbered by all those past concerns. But in the end, to save myself and him the inevitable heartache, I stood firm, and he’ll probably never forgive me for it. I still wonder if I’m crazy for giving up my rockstar crush dreams. I guess time will tell. After all, timing, again, is everything.
Those are just two stories in my experience about how a little word like “when” derailed a potential….well, who knows what either of these situations could have been. Either way, potential is where it stopped, and I continue in the world single as ever, reminded every once in a while of what a colossal jerk timing can be, and wondering still what could have, but will never be.
So when you’re watching yet another romantic comedy about a guy who leaves his bride at the alter to go after the girl of his dreams that he’s just met, or has known all his life, remember that real life isn’t written with the intention of fulfilling fantasies and selling out movie theatres. Real life is dictated by circumstances, and most of all, by timing. Here’s hoping that someday time will be on my side.
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