I’ve recently discovered a pattern in myself, one that is likely not a good one, but has definitely afforded me some fun along the way. You see, I’ve developed a little bit of a habit — penchant to collect, that is. What am I collecting? It would appear that I’m collecting boys, all over the world!
Now before you paint me as some heartless player, hear me out. I like to travel, and I like to meet new people. That lends itself very nicely to meeting men while travelling, whether I’m on my own trip or they on theirs, and depending on circumstances, something sexy and romantic may ensue. Whether it’s a welsh rugby player in town for a tournament, the southern gentleman I had a day and night long date with in Nashville, or the awesome guy from London who braved my HiM show just to spend time with me (talk about mad game), I’ve greatly enjoyed the time I’ve spent with these non-Toronto boys. And while the stories may be awesome, it’s not all fun and games when you’re dealing with bros in different area codes. Take it from me kids, and read on.
Pro: foreign boys are so much better than local boys!
There are so many great reasons to live local but date international. First of all, you open yourself up to a veritable human love buffet, allowing yourself to sample dishes from around the world. Men from different companies behave in different ways, and that usually extends to their treatment of women as well. Getting wined and dined in Paris by a handsome Frenchman or driven around in a pick-up truck in search of biscuits and gravy for a brunch date in Nashville – both are more fun than a Starbucks date to meet some new guy off Bumble. Also, ACCENTS!!
Con: Are foreign boys actually better than local boys?
No matter how many different lovers you may have in different countries, there is one universal truth to the matter: it’s always temporary. whether he’s visiting you, you’re visiting him, or you’re meeting for a sexy vacation somewhere in the middle, in the end you both have to go back to your respective homes. As such, chances are you’re only ever getting your man’s “best” self when you spend that dedicated and scheduled time with him. And while his representative may be so much more sweet, suave and sexy than any man you can meet on your home turf, the reality is you may not be getting the whole him. It’s a sobering thought, but one that would serve you well to keep in mind. While your international flame may be a winner right now, in the end he’s still a person with flaws and issues. An accent and a passport that’s a different color than yours doesn’t change that.
Pro: there’s no commitment
Sometimes a fling with a foreigner is the cherry on top of a great vacation. A fun flirtation? Check. Some great hotel sex? Check. A great story to tell your friends back home? Check! And the best part? You don’t have to worry about him texting you back, and you won’t waste time creeping his Instagram to see who he’s been spending his time with. You can leave your fling behind in his homeland, just as he can leave you behind in yours, depending on the situation.
Con: there’s no commitment
I’ve had the fortune and misfortune of meeting some pretty great men on my travel adventures. These are guys that are fun, ambitious, kind, and all around people that I’d like to get to know better and spend more time with. Unfortunately that’s not generally possible. Meeting a guy on vacation, whether it’s his or yours, is the ultimate in expiration dating – you know there’s no future, and you’re only indulging your own commitment-phobic behavior by engaging in the situation. I’m self aware enough to know that my aversion to relationships makes me all the more eager to dabble in some long distance lovin’ – because I know in the end, it won’t go anywhere, and that’s just fine with me. I mean, sure, you hear those stories of people meeting in Vegas, falling in love and moving across countries to build lives together, but that’s the rare exception, not the norm. While promises to visit each other, or meet up elsewhere may be made, they’re rarely kept, and even if these guys are awesome, chances are you’ll still never see them again. That’s when the heartache you were trying to avoid with your absentee lover catches up with you.
Pro: You get the chance to show off those sexting skills
In those rare cases where you actually keep in touch with your new flame from afar, you’ll probably want to keep the fire that brought you together alive, especially if you’re trying to plan another encounter (which, see above). It’s times like these that apps like Snapchat take on a whole new meaning in your life (and really wasn’t sexting what that app was all about in the first place?). From sexy photos, suggestive messages, to hot and steamy Skype sessions specifically planned to accommodate both your time zones and level of arousal, a little long distance sexytime can actually be one of the perks of trying to extend a vacation fling.
Con: You actually need to communicate beyond sexting
If you’ve ventured past fling territory into “trying to make it last” territory, chances are you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of a conundrum, communication wise. You’ve found someone you’re attracted to, that you like to hang out with and spend that sexy naked time with, and that’s great. But adding long distance to a casual situation, even if your intention is to make it a bit more serious, means that you’ve got to up your phone/email/texting/etc skills from baseline to intermediate, if you want to keep the lines of communication open. That may mean downloading apps like Skype or Viber to ensure you don’t forget what your sexy penpal looks like. It also means you have to answer and initiate texts and calls and make an effort to keep in contact. When there’s hours of travel and miles and miles between, it makes it easier than ever to ghost on a person. That means if you want to keep this up, you’ve got to step it up, communication wise.
There’s nothing wrong with choosing the long distance option when it comes to romance. If your mind is open to meeting new people while on your own adventures, or welcoming visitors into your life while they’re on your turf, chances are you’re in for some great experiences that will lead to great memories. Just remember, it’s not all sweet words spoken with sexy accents. Sex and dating without borders can come with just as many pitfalls as perks. Make sure you’re aware of what you’re getting yourself into, and understand what exactly you may be holding yourself back from as a result.