Dating. We love it, we hate it, but at the end of the day if you would like to spend your life (or at least part of your life) with a significant other then you have to pull up your boots and jump right in.
However, once you get into your thirties that ends up being easier said than done, because by the time we are well into the third decade of our lives it doesn’t seem as easy for us to just fall into a relationship with someone.
Is it failed relationships before and the hurt that went along with that? Or is it that we are just older and wiser and our years of experience have told us to hold back a bit before feeling things that will inevitably sink us deeper in? Over the past few months I have been chatting with many 30 somethings (and older), male, female, gay and straight to find out what the difference is of dating in your 30’s from other periods in your life, and doing so in 2016, and also why I know so many people who are single in their 30’s.
Here are the main answers.
Time and Energy
If you are like me and spent the better part of your 20’s in a serious relationship and then you managed to date another 50 people in the years following that (give or take) you may just be at the point that you have decided to put your energy elsewhere. This isn’t about “giving up” it’s more about allotment of energy and really time.
When we are in our teenage years and our twenties, typically we have far less responsibility, but for most of us, by the time you hit your mid-thirties you could have children, mortgage, house, car, animals, or for many like myself, you could own your own businesses which is a huge undertaking in and of itself.
So when push comes to shove, sometimes the main focus isn’t on having a relationship or even to make real time for dating, it’s usually not intentional, just a side effect.
We know what we want
It seems a lot of people in their thirties know what they want from a partner. We’ve been through the ringer maybe more than once and learned exactly what didn’t work for us, so, when dating, we often seem to be quick to write someone off when they don’t match the ideal of what we are looking for.
Unlike the majority of the younger daters who might overlook more, and the older who may allow for more time for investigation, we know what we want, and would prefer that than something else.
We need someone who is on the same page
This applies in many ways. The reality is that most of us want to be with someone who has the same mindset that we do. That has a lot to bring to the table, who probably holds the same moral standard we do, someone who really is on the same page when it comes to sex, love, life, and being happy. That can be a challenge.
We are all quite different from each other and as we know, we all have met many people in our lives we just don’t understand, and there isn’t anything wrong from that, in fact, those are the people we often learn the most from, even if they do drive us nuts, but finding that person that really gets you, well that can be the tough part, and can sometimes take a lot of dates to even find a potential candidate.
There is so much green grass
In 2016, the age of social media, oversharing, narcissism and every dating and sex app you can imagine, the real barrier to real meaningful relationships today is the sheer volume or people, conversations and imagery we come across every day.
Why be with the person you are dating when you could be with someone hotter from a dating app? Why text with your BF when you can snap chat with someone that is crazy sexy.
It seems as though unlike past generations, the 30 somethings and younger are so inendated with people they could date, be with, or otherwise, that for a lot of us we are in a constant state of meeting, dating and leaving in a continuous cycle right through our thirties.
This is not to say that we are all bad and real love and relationships don’t exist, but this could, in fact be one of the hardest time for 30’s somethings that are dating in 2016 and going forward.
If this was 100 years ago, you probably only really had a handful of people to choose from, now you have millions.
Think about that for a minute, but not too long, we wouldn’t want to get you down, or derail you from the fun that is, dating in your 30’s.