*image from someecards
Come on ladies, we’ve all been there. We’ve all been that friend who’s been screwed over by a friend over a guy. We’ve all had our feelings hurt by a friend we thought we could trust, over a guy. We’ve all had a friend who’s acted shady over a guy. Hell, we’ve probably, at some point or another, BEEN that friend who’s been kind of an idiot to our friends, over a guy. Having had and witnessed a few too many of these instances recently, I thought it was time to give the world a refresher on a little thing I like to call the girl code. This list is by no means all encompassing, but related to things I’ve seen or experienced when women have put dicks before their chicks.
Thou Shalt not pursue a friend’s significant other
You would hope that this one would be a no brainer, but based on both observed and personal experience, it apparently bears much repeating. Pursuing can be as mild as flirting and as blatant at flinging your naked body in the direction of a human one of your girlfriends has already expressed interest in or engaged in a relationship (however casual or serious) with. Actions such as these only serve to make everyone feel shitty and you look like a shitty friend and a shitty person. Just don’t.
Thou Shalt not date/befriend/acknowledge the existence of a friend’s ex significant other
Unless your friend has EXPLICITLY permitted you to pursue a guy that she’s done with, DO NOT DO IT. Even if she has given you the ok, always consider the circumstances under which that permission was granted, or the nature of the person granting it. I would rather cut off my own tits than admit weakness, but deep down I do have feelings and they do get hurt. I may SAY that I’m ok with something, but sometimes in the interest of looking tougher than I’m feeling I’ll say one thing while feeling quite the opposite. And dating is really just the most extreme situation here. Chances are that if things ended badly for your friend, no matter to what degree, mild or extreme, she won’t want to be reminded of the failure and hurt she’s experienced. Unless you were already friends with this other person and therefore have to divide your loyalty, there is no need to be friends with the guy/girl that made your friend shed even a single tear. There are plenty of humans out there to date and befriend. Be a good and loyal friend and help her keep the past in the past, where it belongs. I will allow an exception here for rare cases of TWUE WOVE (cue the officiant’s voice from The Princess Bride) between you and your friends roadkill.
Thou Shalt not forsake your friends
Everyone’s dealt with this, and some of us have definitely been guilty of it. You start seeing someone new, it’s exciting and fun and sexy and you want to spend a ton of time with that person. Pretty soon, you’re spending ALL your time with that person, and that mean you’re spending no time with your friends. Just don’t do it. You friends are not objects of distraction between boyfriends. They are the people you chose to have in your life because you care about them. Don’t drop them just because you’re now getting laid on the reg. And DEFINITELY don’t only hang out with your friends if you can bring your significant other along. Everyone’s been at that “girls’ night” where one friend brings along a token bro. It’s always awkward, no matter how nice the dude may be and how well liked by your friends he is.
As well, don’t drop your friends even when you’re just on the search for a dude. I can’t tell you how sick I am of hearing my friends complain that they never see me when they’re wasting time on one failed Tinder date after another. Want to be a good friend? Put the phone down and go out and grab a drink with the people you already know you like every once in a while.
Even if a girlfriend’s significant other is terrible, thou shalt remain silent while they are together
Some girls just have terrible taste/luck/whatever when it comes to men. I know, I’m one of them. Sometimes your friends will date people that you can’t stand. I know, I was one of them. And sometimes, you’ll want to berate said friend about the shittiness of her chosen significant other. Don’t. If you can gently express your concerns, go ahead, but she’ll learn eventually that he/she is a shit, and if she doesn’t, you’ll probably have plenty of people to commiserate with over how crappy her new person is. That is until, they break up. Which brings us to:
Thou Shalt support a girlfriend through all stages of a romantic entanglement
From a budding crush, to those giddy honeymoon stages, to the stagnation and then the inevitable ugly breakup, no matter what you’ve got to be there for your gals. That’s what friends are for, to encourage, laugh, cry, support and reinforce when the going is great, rough and everything in between. But ladies, kindly adhere to the previous commandment; you’ll find your friends a lot more ready and willing to support you in the bad times when you still kept up the friendship during your relationships. Those who drop their girlfriends whenever they have a significant other will find it much harder to get that much needed support when they’ve been radio silent.
Listen ladies, it’s still a rough world out there for us. Let’s stick together and treat each other better and not put men before the friendships we’ve created and nurtured. When you do find that great and right guy, having those amazing friendships as well will make your life all the better.