We’ve all been there: you’re still friends with your ex, but neither of you have seen the other with anyone new. Until now. How are you supposed to casually handle the inevitable meet-and-greet with your ex’s new lady friend? [Or man friend or whatever, but I’m going to use “girlfriend”, because that’s what’s happening]. Allow me to be your spirit animal.
Rule #1: Be Cool, Baby
First and foremost, be cool. You could be attempting to channel your Charmed skills to have them both burst into flames, but no matter what you’re feeling on the inside, you have to appear as chill as humanly possible. No. Matter. What. SERENITY NOW!
Rule #2: Look Incredible
I don’t care how it sounds: you’re obviously going to want to look like you just stepped off the pages of Glamour Magazine when meeting the new significant other. I don’t care how you do this, just don’t you dare be basic. This is best executed when you simultaneously look effortless, but I don’t know how to do that, so…
Rule #3: Show Up With Your Army of Babe-Friends
It never hurts to strut in like nothing while surrounded by your hottest comrades. Even though the new GF is the one you would like to have in awe, it never hurts to make everyone’s head turn in the process.
Rule #4: Casually Mention Your Hot New Conquest
I don’t care if this person is actually aware you’re using them as a pawn in your elaborate scheme, or if this person exists at all. “Oh shoot, did I casually just name-drop the super hot/moderately famous guy I’m texting? Sorry not sorry.”
Rule #5: Be Disgustingly Sweet
Nothing boils my blood more than when the person I loathe also happens to be way too nice. So, if this is your goal, I would suggest complimenting everyone and having a huge smile on your face the entire time. If she didn’t hate you before, she’ll surely hate you now. And that’s half the fun, right?
Bottom line: be as awesome as you already are, and everyone will remember why they wanted you around in the first place.
At the end of the day, she may have him, but you have you, and you’re not going anywhere!