Relationships are complicated. We are all aware of that fact by the time we have reached our twenties, whether it’s learned first hand, or by watching others struggle. The complication is real in my life and here is why.
The one major relationship I had in my life lasted about 5 years, which ran through my mid-twenties. Since then each and every “relationship” I have been involved in I, has ended before it reached 120 days, or about 4 months.
So I’ve spent much time thinking about why. Examining other peoples relationship successes and failures, and I’ve been asking a lot of questions.
So, do I pick the wrong people? Do I just have bad luck? Am I just crazy?
After examining my life and asking close friends, running polls online and asking on Facebook, the consensus seems to be a mix of 2 things. I think this applies to most people, myself included.
1. I wasn’t ready
Turns out it never worked out because I had things I needed to sort out in my own life. It’s funny because I have seen this so many times in my life where somewhat broken people search for love in hopes that it will make them happy. This is false. We as individuals are responsible for our own happiness. Someone else may just make our lives a bit better but it is up to us to choose to be happy; only then will be able to happily be with someone else. And that journey can take some serious time, for me, it’s taken the last about 6 years, yes that’s long, but I had a lot of work to do, and I’m glad I did.
2. They just weren’t right
I’m sure a lot of you can understand this one. As I’m sure we all have days where we want to start screaming like Charlotte from Sex in the City, “I’ve been dating since I was 15, where is he?”
Sometimes you just have to date lots of the wrong people to find the right one, and that I have. I guess to my credit I was good enough to myself to allow a fair amount of time to see if, in fact, they were. Now looking back I see that my cutoff is under 4 months, at which point I’m probably already out.
My lesson to learn: understanding of our behaviour and taking the time to see what you have done, what mistakes have been made, and then to reflect and learn from those of decisions is key. It’s how we become better, stronger, more aware, and most of all, allow us to learn from our mistakes.
Trust me, as someone who went through the ringer and started all over again, it’s key to take time to make sure that you are right for you before you can ever be right for anyone else.
So if you cross by the 120 days, maybe they are a keeper, well at least for me.