Guest writer Nikoo worries about labour/food cost all day long and makes sugary vodka drinks look manly. When he’s not mastering the art of fast food, business wise, he’s a graphic designer and modern artist extraordinaire. Nikoo is newly single and has also dipped a toe on the Tinder pool. He agreed to share the men’s point of view on searching for romance, one swipe at a time.
Being a recently divorced man, I thought I’d jump back into this online dating pool and give Tinder a try. Like many people, I din’t plan on taking it too seriously, and I learned it can even be fun! I figured, hey, it could be great practice for flirting with girls, feeding my ego, or drive me insane. In my search for…I don’t know what, I came across many profiles that made me confused, cringe and/or crazy. Guys, we’re not the only ones doing whacky things on Tinder, so here goes!
1) One pic or no pics. I need a little bit more to go on here ladies. This is especially bad when that one pic was just one you found on Google. No pic is just a waste of energy swiping left
2) Prostitutes. Can we please leave this hookup app for us amateurs? I am sure every single male knows at least one avenue to acquire the services of a prostitute. It gets really frustrating when a pretty girl seems to think I’m as dope as I think I am, just to find out she costs x amount per hour. Professionals need not swipe right.
3) Multiple pictures and I still don’t know what you look like. This is usually a combination of vacation/party pics with the SAME friends, mixed with a pic of a beach, then, finally a quote of some sort. I don’t know why this is a trend. I see enough inspirational quotes from people who think they are better than me on Instagram and Facebook, I don’t need it here. So if you don’t mind “keep calm and change your tinder pic.” And if you insist on using an inanimate object/landscape/non human picture, a slice of pizza would go further, just sayin’.
4) Babies. I don’t care if it’s your niece/nephew or a baby you saved from a burning building. I’m assuming it’s yours and I’m not down with picturing us taking junior to the park for our first date.
5) Tacky cultural appropriation in your pics. Not just for the guys anymore! I’m talking Saris and Indian style dresses worn by clearly not Indian girls, vacation pictures with clealry tranquilized exotic animals, or with “the natives” who have clearly been exploited for your tourist pleasure. I know you are trying to say “hey I’m worldly,” but you are actually saying “I’m not only ignorant, but also I have no idea what guys like.”
6) All close ups photos. No one likes the bait and switch. So if you have a few extra pounds, I’d rather know now. This is Tinder, not Sports Illusrated. It’s not mandatory to be bikini ready, but it’s also not helpful to be misleading.
7) Height. Let’s be fair, if you feel the need to demand my height, I may just feel the need to demand your bust size. If you feel insecure about being taller than me, then I feel insecure if my cup size is bigger than yours. That’s right ladies, men aren’t the only superficial ones on Tinder, so let’s not pretend that’s the case.
8) Photo filter overload. Many of us have used Instagram so we are familiar with the concept of filters. Face it ladies, we know when you are messing with your pics. If I’m questioning my vision while looking at your #nofilter pic, I can’t trust it.
9) Amateur selfies. Aren’t girls are supposed to be pros at selfies by the sheer number of selfies they take? Not to mention how much each pic is analyzed, and how many shots it probably took to get to that final selection. You’d think if you stare at the pic enough or do enough retakes, you would notice the mess in your bedroom or bathroom. Unfortunately it would appear that practice does not make perfect. Put away your dirty laundry, wipe off your bathroom counter, and maybe you’ll create a right swipe worthy profile pic after all.
10) Not responding to my pick up lines! My cute yet charming James Bond like lines are on fire! Makes me wonder what am I supposed to say. Hi is boring. I can’t use corny pickup lines, but somehow I have to stand out. Tinder has brought out the most superficial in us all, and sometimes it seems like no one can do anything right.
So hey, maybe I’ll change up my profile by adding a baby pic, an inspirational quote floating in the sky, and use my photo shop skills to create the ultimate over filtered pic of me dressed like genie in Aladdin to prove that I can show you the world…because hey, I’m worldly!!
If you guys and gals have any more Tinder fails you’d like to share, or tips on how Nikoo can improve his game, tweet us at @weraddicted!