Addicted to love? Sexual misconceptions from girls to guys

Sex. It’s one of the most sought after activities a human can ever partake in. It’s debated, analyzed, idolized and monetized at every turn. And yet, it’s often hardest to talk about it with the very ones we do it with — what we want, what we expect, what we enjoy and what we simply tolerate. While every unique relationship and situation comes with its own set of circumstances, everyone can always benefit from a litte more open communication, no matter who you may be and who you’re doing the dirty with.

Of course, we know nothing is cut and dry and it will never be possible to account for everyone’s tastes — and that’s not what we’re trying to do. In the coming months, we’ll get the down-low from various perspectives from all angles of human sexuality and orientation on the strange assumptions and actions one may encounter when engaging in some good old lovin’ – the physical kind, that is. And since we, the ladies of Addicted, are all of the opposite sex seeking orientation, this is the perspective we’ll be taking for this inaugural Addicted to love? Sexual misconceptions!

So here’s some food for thought straight from the minds of straight gals.

1) Aunt Flo’s monthly visit does not make you king for the week.

There seems to be a divide here: people who are equal opportunists 365 a year, and people who want their allotted 12 weeks off.

Everyone is entitled to their preference, of course, but not everyone is ready to have their partner go AWOL to burn a sacrificial goat because he sat on the same couch as her during their lady time. Hormones are running high in many directions, and while some women don’t want to you to even look at them, much less touch them, others are far less interested in slowing down. Never make your lady feel like she has to dutifully “take care” of you or make her feel like she’s asexual. Not everyone rolls that way, and she probably already feels like garbage in various other ways without being frustrated in this easily addressed area.

2) Don’t assume you can make a home for your happy ending anywhere you please, every time.

Seriously guys. We know you all love to decorate the world with your man silly string, and it’s sweet to see how much joy it brings you, but that doesn’t mean we’re always ready to have it for lunch or in our hair on your whims, regardless of past accommodations. Be considerate. This is acquired stuff, and remember just because your favorite porn star gratefully guzzles her costar’s man juice doesn’t mean your girlfriend will. After all, that pornstar is getting paid. We’re not.

3) Speaking of happy endings: if you’re not sure if she got hers, she probably didn’t.

It’s a well known fact that in most cases, it’s a far simpler and easier task to stimulate an orgasm in a man than in a woman. We know this about ourselves — or at least that for the average woman, orgasms aren’t always as plentifiul as we may like. Know this, too. As a result, we will direct you, guide you and even help you along in the process of getting us off, as long as everyone involved is having a good time. That’s not to say that an orgasm is the required outcome of a sexual encounter. In fact, sex acts of all kinds can be very enjoyable without a specific outcome – something that more men should take into account. That’s right boys, if we don’t have to get off, consider the concept that maybe you don’t need to either. We feel we speak for many women when we say that sex with a straight man has the far too frequent feel of just being a race to an orgasm, even if he’s the only one rushing towards the finish line. So, the moral of the story? An orgasm isn’t always the answer. However, if you as a man think an orgasm is mandatory, that better be for all parties involved. While ladies don’t always NEED one, it sure is preferable to the alternative of you rolling over and snoring while we still have a lady boner to contend with. And FYI, our mental equivalent of your blue balls makes for one cranky, bad attitude kitty.


Got your own preconception/misconception/awkwardness prevention that you want to share? Don’t be shy to toss in your two cents! tweet us at @weraddicted with the hashtag #AddictedSexTalk and we may just choose YOUR sexual misconception story to publish along with ours!
*An Emy & Nadia wifey co-pro.
Emy Stantcheva
Emy Stantcheva is a lifelong music junkie-turned-music biz dabbler, from music publicity and artist management to the not-for-profit sector. By day, she champions the indies at Canadian Independent Music Association and MusicOntario, and moonlights as Lifestyle Editor for Addicted and rep for southern rock n’ roller Basia Lyjak. A healthy living fan (yes, vodka is a plant), vegetarian of 20 years and lover of cooking, wine and craft beer, she’s always on the lookout for tasty and cruelty-free wares and fares. She’s also known for her hoarding of cats (she has four) and leggings (300 pairs and counting). With her feisty way with words, Stantcheva brings a fresh and intelligent perspective to Addicted’s Lifestyle section.
Emy Stantcheva