You’ve seen them, I’ve seen them, we’ve all seen them.
Red flags. All the things people do to warn us that they, in fact, are NOT right for us.
We meet someone, we start getting to know them. We open ourselves up to sharing about ourselves and learning about them, and as we do, a little red flag pops up.
“I’ve never really been good at this whole dating thing” they joke. They may be joking, but there is a red flag.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes that I often didn’t learn from,” he says.. Or really, so you don’t learn from your mistakes
“I have 6 children with 3 different mothers” Good lawd that’s more baggage than I’d have in 5 lives.
These are red flags. Not all of them are obvious ones, but there they are, red and waving none the less.
So, why do so many of us ignore them? Do we hope that if we don’t acknowledge them that they just go away? Or maybe we hope with time and our help things will change?
Probably a bit of both.
Here’s the thing, they say the meaning of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. So does that mean that a lot of us are insane when it comes to love?
It seems as though a lot of us (myself in the past) let love become a blinder covering our true vision of the situation in front of us, and thus rendering us unable to see the red flags. Often as people in search of love, we tend to get wrapped up in the moment.
While my earlier quotes were blatant examples of reg flags said right to your face, it seems even then a lot of us don’t really register it. I used those examples because people have actually said them to me or close friends of mine, and yet persisted in the pursuit of these red flag cluttered romances.
Fortunately, I was watching for red flags and ran the other way, and so did they, but why do I know when I didn’t before.
The easy answer: I’m happy now, and generally, I’m not lonely, even though I am single.
When you’re in a place of sadness or loneliness, it seems that our emotions and the fact that we want to find love and be with someone can blind us. We want it so bad that we are willing to ignore the signs that tell us that it isn’t right or the even bigger signs that it will blow up in our faces. We didn’t listen to the signals that let us know to tuck and roll.
So maybe reg flags go both ways. But there are ways to avoid them:
1. Make sure you’re ok – If your happy and fulfilled and living a great life, chances are that you’ll not only see the red flags, you’ll stay completely away from people running with them.
2. Avoid the flag bearers – they are the ones who like drama, will most probably tell you they are drama in so many words, and generally just don’t jive with you.
So what have we learned today?
Stop, think, and if you see someone in your dating life holding a red flag, remember you’re a human, not a bull, best just to run in the opposite direction. Generally, it doesn’t work out too great for the bull either, so let that be a lesson in itself.
Until next time!