Addicted to Love? Pick up line suicide

Any man or woman with a modicum of a social life has had to deal with this tiresome concept: the pick up line.  You’re out with your girl or guy friends somewhere, and someone tries to get your attention, usually for the express purpose of getting into your pants.  Their chances of success are severely limited by their use of any of the below pick up lines and techniques.

Hey Baby/Sexy/Nice rack/ass etc

Want to insult someone with the first words out of your mouth while simultaneously revealing yourself as a total ignoramus?  Then by all means, reduce your line recipient to a mass of body parts or the quality of his/her physical appearance rather than a walking/talking/thinking human being.  If you do truly admire someone physically, you can compliment a person in a polite and intelligent way at a more appropriate time and trust me, it can definitely be well received.  Need a better opening? Try saying hello and asking how his/her night is going.  Honest and respectful conversation starters will get you much further than cheesy or gross pick up lines.

Accompany the above with a physical gesture

Opening with a tacky, superficial line not insulting enough for you?  Then this one’s for you!  Try complimenting a guy or gal’s body AND reaching out and touching that targeted part at the same time.  

Top/Bottom/Masc/Fem

This one’s for the boys who like boys out there, and can also probably apply to ladies who love the ladies.  A favourite opener on apps like Grindr and Scruff, there’s no better way to make your shallow sexual intentions known than by getting right to the point.  Starting out with this line not only insults your intended target by demeaning them to the measure of their sexual preferences, but also shows a marked lack of creativity on the part of the line deliverer.  It’s also a complete turn off; way to take the sexiness out of sex by breaking it down to such mechanical terms. Start by asking your chosen hottie how he/she is doing before getting into the dirty talk, and things will get scintillating on their own in due course.

What do you drive?

Want to out yourself as a gold digger?  Then make sure to slide this question into your bar conversation.  While I may ask this question because I absolutely love cars, there are enough girls out there that have made a bad name for the rest of us by their intentions behind this question.  Learn to carry a conversation that doesn’t revolve around material things and you’ll be rewarded with something far more valuable down the road, and you’ll end up on his ride in the end. 

Why are you single?

This is a question with so many implications, most of them negative and downright insulting that I can’t help but snap whenever anyone, guy or girl, asks me this no matter what their intentions may have actually been.  First of all, it implies that being single is a state to be pitied, and that every human is looking to vacate said state as rapidly as possible.  For me, at least, that is most definitely not the case.  Being single is awesome, ask your married friends. Second of all, asking “why” implies that there MUST be something wrong with the person you’ve asked, and you’re just trying to suss it out before you get in too deep.  It’s the equivalent of asking “what’s wrong with you”, romantically speaking.  What kind of response are you expecting?  “I have the herp, it makes it hard to connect with people”. Or maybe “my last relationship left me scarred for life”.  Or how about “my parole officer/AA sponsor advised me against dating while I’m out of prison/in recovery”?  Sometimes people are single because they are.  Get to know someone to find out if, together, you want to change that.     

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Nadia Elkharadly

Nadia Elkharadly

Nadia Elkharadly is the Co-Founder and Managing Editor of Addicted Magazine. Her myriad of addictions include music, fashion, travel, technology, boxing and trying to make the world a better place. Nadia is also a feminist, an animal lover, and a neverending dreamer. Keep up with her on social media through @thenadiae.
Nadia Elkharadly