It’s in our nature to have the most vile feelings towards someone who has scorned us. If he doesn’t text you back he’s a monster. If she doesn’t agree to a second date she’s a wretched bitch. When it comes to the human heart, hyperbole is the only currency we have. Either we’re blinded by our unconditional love for the person, or debilitated by our the most intense rage we’ve ever felt. The thing we tend to forget is the same thing our mothers taught us as children: not everyone is going to like you.
You can be so excited over a new prospect, but as soon as it goes poorly that person is suddenly considered the scum of the earth. There are many things people are capable of that make them worthy of your hatred, but not responding to a text isn’t one of them. I’ve dated a lot of people, which means that through pure probability my batting average isn’t the greatest. Translation: I’ve had my heart broken more often than not. And it’s the same every single time. My friends and I sit around and pick the guy apart, listing every reason why they’re scum and why I’m better off without them. There’s just one problem with that method of grief:
This doesn’t make them a bad person.
When someone realizes they don’t have feelings for you, it fucking sucks, and there’s no two ways around that. And while the person in question may have some shitty qualities about them, not having feelings for you isn’t a character flaw. It’s not going to work out with every person, and you’re going to get your heart broken a couple of times as you navigate through your dating life. This can’t leave you lumping all of your failed prospects into the same category. Here’s a small case study:
Exhibit A and I went on an incredible date together (and after describing this date to my male friend he said “That sounds like a literal dream date”). It involved going to see a scary movie, drinking while eating wings, watching Arrested Development, and having great sex. We had an amazing time, and I really liked him. He must have decided he didn’t want to pursue anything further, and the texts petered out, but remained extremely sweet and respectful the entire time.
Exhibit B pursued me for months, left my apartment less than 5 minutes after having sex with me, lied about where he was going, hopped a fence to get out of my courtyard (no that’s not a metaphor), walked past me on the street four days later as if I was a stranger, and then started dating a girl who he was apparently hanging out with at the same time as me.
As you can see, Exhibit B is a bad person, while Exhibit A simply wasn’t that into me. These should not be considered the same thing. And while these examples are clearly extremes, they should serve as some small barometer with which you can measure someone’s level of shiftiness as a human, rather than simply not liking you.
Brief summary: not responding to a text and/or telling small white lies so as to not seriously hurt your feelings does not equal a crime against humanity. You’re not so special as to never have a negative experience. You’re not entitled to anything, the least of all being another person.