I’m not sure if I’m just perpetually unlucky when it comes to love (which I am), or if I just have terrible taste (which I do) or if I just continually attract men with questionable values and mentalities (which I have). But ever since I decided that 2016 would be the year that I stop hatin’ on love and come to terms with the possibility of it in my life, I have been hit with a BARRAGE of male crazy lately! The latest installment of insanity comes with a comment a guy made with reference to my age, that made me realize that he wasn’t the first, nor would he be the last man who would make the number of years that I’ve existed on this earth an issue, be it positive or negative. So for this week’s installment of Misconceptions, I figured we would talk about the weird assumptions men seem to make when it comes to age, mine or anyone elses.
(i’m the yellow)
What a sweetheart right? And in case it wasn’t clear :
There really is no such thing as too old
Boys, guess what? Age really IS nothing but a number. Unless we’re talking multiple generations worth of a gap between two people, chances are most can relate on some level, especially if chemistry, attraction and emotion are on their side. Because, really, that’s what dating comes down to, not the date on your birth certificate. So unless there’s something actually illegal about the situation or someone is being manipulated using their youth and inexperience, go forth and date younger/older/whatever to your hearts content.
Age isn’t something to fetishize
According to the casanova quoted above, while I may be too old for him to “date”, i was just the right age for him to want to bang. and he’s not the first younger guy to view my age as an asset, sexually speaking. I’ve heard/read the phrase “I LOVE OLDER WOMEN” more times than I care to admit, and I’ve always been mildly grossed out by it. But being the intrepid journalist that I am, i’ll still ask the question. What is it, young(er) man, that fascinates you so much about an older woman, pray tell? “You’re experienced, you’re amazing in bed, I can learn from you, you know what you want, you’re not shy”. All these answers, while likely intended to flatter and intrigue, only serve to perplex me further. First of all, while self awareness, confidence and experience to generally increase as one ages, that’s not a universal truth. I’ve met women in their late thirties who are just as naive, if not more so, than some 20 somethings. Sexual experience and prowess is also not a guaranteed aspect of the aging process. Some women may go through their lives with only a couple of partners, or only being a little adventurous in the bedroom. So for men to lump all “older women together” in this fetishizing manner is not only offputting, to me at least, but in some cases it’s an abjectly false correlation. It would be like me saying that all younger men are terrible in bed and immature. While that may be true in some cases, it’s most certainly not universal.
Age isn’t more important than experience and personality
How many times has someone said to you “wow, this guy/girl is amazing BUT they’re just too young for me!” chances are, alot. People ascribe a lot of value and weight to age, when in many cases may not be as relevant as all the other things that help to shape an individual. Life experience, which may or may not come with age, is a huge factor. Being open to experiencing new, different, whatever things in life can be a very important facet of compatibility when it comes to dating – if you’re someone who’s looking to see and try everything life has to offer, that’s probably something you want in a partner too. So is being generally open minded, adventurous, whether in one’s sexuality or the rest of one’s life. And the biggest factor, of course, is personality. Someone may be “age appropriate” for you, but if your personalities don’t mesh, that chronological fact can only take you so far.
The lesson here is this: don’t close your heart, mind and body off to someone that seems awesome just because they may be a little young or old.