Addicted to Love: Hung Up on an Ex?

You’ll find many TV shows, such as the popular Netflix sitcom “Love” highlighting the struggles faced by those that suffer with love addiction, yet in everyday society it’s not something most people would admit to, or perhaps even be aware of. There’s a fine line between grieving the loss of a love and having your heartbroken with an unhealthy obsession.

Now, if you’re in, or have ever been in such a place, then you’ll know that no matter what you do to distract yourself, whether it’s to focus your time on studying, exercising, or stock trading your mind will always go back to your ex. For instance, you can be visiting the Fx-List with a genuine desire to research forex trades, yet, you soon find your mind drifting instead to your Ex-List as attention is pulled from under you.

At times like this, it can feel like you aren’t even in control of your thoughts and feelings; as if there is a more powerful force that decides where you focus your attention. In fact, at times, it can feel like you’re going crazy. Fear not, with these three top tips you’ll learn how to get yourself out of this state of being hung up on an ex in no time.

 

SHIFT YOUR FOCUS

There’s an idea in popular psychology that “where attention goes energy grows” meaning what you focus on expands. The challenge with this, is that when you’re hung up on an ex a lot of your focus goes into this area; either, what they are doing now, what you could have done differently, or what you might be able to do resolve things.

The core problem with this, is that this perpetual focus can turn into rumination which is where the same thing goes around the windmills of your mind, churning up the same thoughts, almost becoming trapped in your own head.

Therefore, what you want to do is shift your focus to that which is “good for you”; meaning, rather than get stuck in the prison of your own mind, or distract yourself with something that isn’t necessarily in your best interest – shift your attention to something that nourishes and nurtures your emotions.

 

FIND A NEW PURSUIT

 

In this vein, you might want to consider finding a new pursuit such as a hobby or activity that you can lose yourself in. For instance, some people use the opportunity of a tough breakup as a way to focus on something they’ve always wanted to do, such as write a book or take a trip somewhere healing that you’ve always wanted to go.

 

REMEMBER HOW IT REALLY WAS

The final nugget of advice is to remember things how they really were. We often look back at the past with rose-tinted glasses, dwelling on the positive aspects of a relationship and the positive attributes of a person. In this sense, it’s important to “keep it real” in that it can be helpful to write a list of all the reasons this person wasn’t good for you or right for you – not to be mean, or unnecessarily negative, but to bring balance to the somewhat polarised view we can have when we are hung up on ex-partners.

Advertisements
Stewart Thurlow

Stewart Thurlow

I once shared a lift with Meryl Streep & Julianne Moore. Oh, & Victoria Beckham smiled at me. UK Editor for ADDICTED.
Stewart Thurlow