*image from http://www.buzzle.com/articles/annoying-couples-on-social-media.html
It’s happened to all of us. After months of pining, sexual frustration and missed opportunity, you’ve finally bagged the bf or gf you’ve been chasing/wanting and you’re on cloud nine. It’s also happened to all of us: your dear friend has finally bagged that bf or gf they’ve been chasing and wanting, and instead of being level headed adults about the situation, they’ve turned into hormone crazed teenagers whose presence together, once celebrated as adorable and inspiring, has devolved into obnoxious and intolerable. After watching this happen a few times recently with different couples in my life, I figured I owed it to the rest of the frustrated friends of the recently relationshiped out there to create some guidelines on how to NOT be a total asshole about a new romance.
Keep the PDA on the DL
We get it, you like to mack on your new boo, and you’re in that honeymoon phase where you’re horny all the time and just can’t get enough of each other. While that may be hunky dory for you and your person, the rest of us have no interest in watching the two of you dry hump each other like puppies two weeks before neutering. Put your cock away Fernando and wait til you can get your gal behind closed doors before you pull it out again.
Don’t invite your new boyfriend/girlfriend to everything
It still boggles my mind that this is a thing actual adults do. The only people that can get away with bringing their significant others to goddamn everything are teenagers in their first relationships, and that’s only because they’re too young and dumb to know any better. While I’m not one who strictly adheres to the concept of a girls/guys night out, I do believe that some hangouts with friends should remain that way. If you’re in a new relationship chances are you’ve diverted a chunk of your time to spend with your sweetheart and your friends have probably felt that. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s probably a good idea to rekindle those friendships by dedicating quality time to the people that existed in your life before you shacked up. That’s not to say you don’t bring your new boo around your crew, that’s a key part of making any relationship work. However not every social gathering includes a plus one, so use your better judgement and learn when it’s smart to leave your SO behind.
Don’t ditch your friends for your fling
Along the same lines as the above, it’s key to balance your dedication to your new love with the respect for the friendships you formed before that person came along. Make time to spend with those friends, rather constantly blowing them off to spend time with your new bf/gf. Continue to support your friends in the things they do and the things that are important to them. So make the time to reconnect with the buds that were there for you when you were single, so they’re still there for you if things don’t last with your latest love.
Don’t tell your friends they’re “just jealous”
When your friends call you out on your obnoxious behaviour, chances are it’s because you’re behaving obnoxiously, and not that they’re jealous of you and your bliss. There are people in relationships everywhere, and single folk aren’t bursting into flame with the force of their envy. While jealousy may be rampant in the world, the bad juju you may be feeling in your direction isn’t as a result of people hating their own lives and wishing for yours. The sad fact is, you’re so obnoxious with your new love that more than anything you’re making people around you glad that they’re still single. No one wants to be as annoying as you are with your SO, so stop telling people they’re just jealous of you, and come to terms with the fact that you’re relationship has made you insufferable.
I’m not saying that getting into a relationship automatically turns you into an asshole. Millions of people marry up every single day and manage to do it without inducing gags, eyerolls and avoidance. If you find yourself engaging in any of the above behaviour, take a look at yourself and your relationship and course correct before the only person you’re spending time with is your lover. I don’t care how obsessed with that person you may be, that shit will DEFINITELY get dull sooner rather than later.