Addicted to Love?: Geographical Proximity

As if relationships aren’t hard enough, try being in one where hundreds of kilometres and multiple forms of transportation separate you from the object of your affection. For the record, I am not currently in a long distance relationship, but I have been in one, and it sucked. But on the flip side, I can actually appreciate certain aspects of dating someone who lives elsewhere. So for all of those who have never been in a long distance relationship, let’s break it down, shall we? Side note: if there are extenuating circumstances that have forced your relationship to be long distance for a finite period of time until something else can be arranged, that’s one thing, and that’s not the thing I’m talking about. What I’m talking about are two people who have never lived in the same spot, and won’t be doing so in the not too distant future. Alright? Alright.

TRUST

This is the number one ingredient that goes into the makings of a halfway decent long distance relationship (and obviously any relationship, but distance increases this factor exponentially). In this day and age where the lines of what constitutes cheating are so unclear, and there are more ways to be shady than ever before, you better be damn sure you’re comfortable with your relationship if you live far apart. If you’re operating in a situation where there’s zero chance you’ll run into each other, or even run into mutual friends, all bets could very well be off. I’m not saying everyone in a long distance relationship is cheating, I’m just saying it’s easier to get away with it.

COMMITMENT

Dating someone who lives far away essentially catapults you to “serious” status pretty damn quickly. You aren’t going to casually date someone who lives four hours away by car (or worse, 8 hours away by plane) if you aren’t in it for the foreseeable long haul. Why not? Because it would make zero sense. The combination of money, time spent away from your own life, plus time spent travelling doesn’t add up to a casual relationship.

LOSS OF SPONTANEITY 

If one of you lives in Toronto and the other in Montreal, chances are your significant other isn’t showing up at your place unexpectedly with flowers. You can’t surprise each other at work, you can’t call them up to go out last minute, and impromptu booty calls will become a thing of the past. For some, this is in the ‘pro’ column, but for many this is a major ‘con’.

CONTROL

This is something I personally categorized as a pro. If you’re someone who prefers their life to be organized and scheduled, planning your time together weeks in advance can be a good thing. It’s also always nice to know the next time you’ll be seeing each other. No more “oh yeah, well maybe Friday” bullshit. When your bags are packed and your ticket is purchased, it’s happening. And if you’re a female, you’ll appreciate being able to coordinate your entire relationship around your menstrual cycles (trust me, it’s a total perk).

YOU START DATING YOUR PHONE

When you can’t flop into bed with your s/o at the end of the night, you have to keep one another updated through phone calls, texts, Skype, and whatever other form of communication that is convenient. Instead of killing two birds and inviting your s/o out with another group of friends and passing it off as a “date night”, you may find yourself staying in to log a few Skype hours.

Look, every relationship is different, and I’m not here to judge anyone. I’m sure if you try hard enough, any set of circumstances can work. I know that for me personally a long distance relationship isn’t in the cards. I also don’t generally think it’s advised to have your one and only live in another time zone, unless you enjoy having to catch yourself thinking “wait, what time is it there” every time you want to say goodnight.

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Alex Payne

Alex Payne

Contributor at Addicted
Alex Payne is a writer/editor/blogger living in Toronto, and a complete pop culture junkie, writing about music, dating, and whatever else she wants to rant about. She's obsessed with cupcakes, Kate Spade and The Simpsons. Oh, and vodka.
Alex Payne