In this day and age of social connectivity, dating and sex apps, Facebook, and easy travel, we are already aware that our world today is very different from that of our parents. Even as a 30 something who grew up in the 80’s I can easily say that I remember a simpler time when cell phones weren’t around and people actually had talked on the phone or meet face to face.
These days it seems that we are constantly reminded that the grass may always be greener. So is that why it seems that monogamy is dying out in the gay world of men? Or is it that we live in a time where such choices are more accepted and celebrated? Or is it simply that as men we just aren’t supposed to be monogamous and are supposed to follow the urges we feel and act on them?
Over the last few months, I have been talking with a huge cross-section of gay men to find out their opinions on this subject. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Gay Apps have changed the game
It used to be that to find someone to sleep with, cheat with, or have an affair with you’d have to actually go out and find that person, and if you were gay that may have been ultimately more complicated as we don’t all walk around with signs on us or a shirt that says “Hey Homo”. Nowadays all you have to do is open up an app, send a dick pic and you’re on your merry way.
With this shift in behaviour based on technology, it makes it all too easy to want to be part of this questionable culture. Often it seems that even gay men in relationships that “Aren’t Cheating” are still on these apps as they don’t want to feel left out of this sideways spiral of sex, dick pics, blocks and the odd conversation and non-sexual meeting.
In the last few years it seems that there have been some major changes in how open we are as a society, especially here in Canada, so it comes as no surprise during a huge transgender movement, trio relationships and the rise of a widespread discussion and exploration into polyamory that we as a society and individuals would start questioning the nature of monogamy.
Often in life, most people live within the confines of what society deems as right and fear they will be ridiculed if and when they break free from that. But as we move closer to being more open it also allows people to feel more free to make their own decisions based on what works for them, like having an open relationship, which we all know is not just happening in the world of gay men, but right across the board.
Maybe we just aren’t meant to be monogamous?
It’s long been thought and said that we just aren’t supposed to only be with one person, and I’m not talking about relationships as we know that most of us will have several if not more of those over our lives, but are we really meant to just love, and make love with one person for the time we are with them or are we supposed to be following our human urges and sleep with who we may?
We have long been told that we meet someone, fall in love, commit to that person and stay true to them as long as we are committed to that relationship. While I will admit that I would consider myself to be somewhat old school in the fact I like the idea of being with one person, I have many times questioned that and as a writer and someone who seeks to learn more, I have always been fascinated by human urges and how we react to them.
If your brain, heart and I guess most of all, your crotch is wanting to sexually explore, shouldn’t you follow that? Is it wrong if you do?
In all that I’ve learned in my life, I do believe that monogamy still exists. It may have been diluted and may not be the norm anymore, but really isn’t that the fun of where we are in the world today? We all have the ability to live and love, and fuck, exactly who and how we want.
Want to share your thoughts? Feel free to comment below as I’d love to hear your thoughts!