In 2017 I turn 35. I started dating when I was 20. I’ve been dating for 15 years.
Why does that matter? Because the last 5 years have been truly painful when it comes to dating.But why, what changed in that time? I used to love dating, getting to know people and even just the act of looking good and heading out, but that feeling has been gone for a long time.
The answer: Technology (mainly texting and dating apps) and the way we have become as a society.
This about it. You’re on Tinder and you are swiping away, in most cases going solely on looks. Even if you are taking the time to read about people, the space in which to write about yourself isn’t nearly big enough to tell your story. Even if you did write it, a lot of people nowadays don’t seem to read past about 500 words (trust me, we have 4 years of stats to prove it). Thus, we have set up a system that actually removes the connection.
Are we talking more to communicate less? Yes we are.
As someone who works in social media, the media, and as a gay man that has been dating for 15 years I can say without a doubt that we are sharing so much more, and actually saying less than ever before.
Not only that, due to tech and the system we have made around it, popularity and attention based on a system of likes, we seem to set ourselves up for a pretty high rate of failure.
In a society where companies are now making products to put your phones away in, it appears we have crossed fully over into being more invested in the life of our phone then of our real selves.
Let me say this as someone who makes his money from social and online, as much as who I am and what I present is real, it is all curated and thus is life watching reality TV, it’s not real. I can’t possibly share all of myself online to show every facet of who I am, it would take time in real life to really get to know me as a person, that being said, it is time to drop the phones and start re-connecting.
I have to admit, up until 2017 I am guilty of pretty much everything outlined in this article, and I just made excuses that “it was my work” or “I’ll just take a minute” but why? I’m not a doctor or work in a life or death field. My phone and whatever I’m focusing on is just a distraction.
The dating apps are pretty much the same. Scruff, Grindr, tinder, Happn, they are all just an added distraction, not really a method of really meeting people. Not only that, all the same people who are on there are on facebook, Instagram, twitter, or some combo of the above, and write to you via those platforms too.
The point: It’s overkill and after my first month with all my dating apps deleted, I must say, I have more free time, and I’m actually taking the time to only build meaningful relationships that are quality and not quantity.
Life, dating, living, these things aren’t supposed to be complicated, but we have made an entire system that has made everything so much harder than it ever needed to be. So what am I doing about it? Removing the middle man.
People have found love for hundreds of years without all this crap and somehow we have forgotten that. So I’d like to step back, to a simpler way of thinking, to a simpler way of dating and just live, be, and enjoy the moment, in the moment, as it happens.