Addicted to Love? Confessions of the other woman

Photo by Hadis Safari on Unsplash

In the case of indefinite monogamy, cheating, whether the reality or the concept, always seems to be a factor.  It could be just a thought that passes through the mind of one half of a couple, either of temptation or worry.  Or maybe it’s just the result of poor decision making, on a lot of different levels.  There are a myriad of reasons why people cheat (or don’t).  Being curious about how many of those “whys” are out there, I posted a poll on Facebook to see what people may be willing to share.

 

I wasn’t sure what would come of it, but sure enough, the confessions started rolling in.  I thought I would make a single post itemizing the reasons people shared, but it’s now evolved into something more.  I’ve been given long, detailed stories, seemingly shared out of a need for catharsis under cover of anonymity.

One of these such stories is from someone who admitted to being “the other woman”. It’s a tale as old as time, in ways that range from fairytale to bunny boiling thriller.  This story is the reality that she wanted to share, behind why she has no issue with the part she plays in, as she puts it, enabling someone’s cheating.  Has this ever been you?  Read on and see.

Confession time: I am currently in a situation where I am knowingly “the other woman”, or the “cheating enabler”, or whatever you want to call it. While it’s not a point of pride, it is something I can accept. I’m not the one cheating. I’m not the one lying or breaking my commitment to anyone. I don’t owe anything to anyone. Maybe that makes me sound like a bad person in the sense that “we’re all in this together and should all be looking out for each other” or that “women need to have each other’s backs” but let’s get real here, we’ve all got our little circles of those we care about (and don’t get me wrong, I would go to the ends of the earth for my loved ones and I’m sure they would all attest to that fact) but outside of that it’s basically every person for themselves. I’m sure I’d feel differently if the girlfriend was a friend of mine, but she’s not. She’s just some stranger to me, a stranger to whom I owe nothing.

As cliché as it may sound, I was going through a rough time when it all began. I had recently lost my father and was newly single after years of an extremely complicated and emotionally abusive relationship. To say that my mental health was poor at that time would be an understatement. In the spirit of full disclosure, I do still suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s hard not to wonder if I would have made different decisions if I were in a better mental/emotional state. But as selfish as this may sound, sometimes when you’re in this state you just do whatever you gotta do to get through the day.

It even feels a bit extreme to call myself “the other woman” as the actual “physical interactions” have been so few and far between. Mostly we just exchange (graphic) messages, (intimate) photos, and on the rarest of occasions, video chat. A lot of people these days would claim that “emotional cheating is still cheating” but personally, I don’t know if I buy into that whole concept. It feels to me a bit like yet another over-sensitive millennial construction. And it’s so vague, like what exactly constitutes emotional cheating then? Where do we draw the line? But I digress.

I never set out to get involved with this person in a sexual way. I swear up and down that when I first contacted this person my intentions were pure and innocent. It started out with us talking about work and if there was any potential for him to help me progress my career or possibly take it in a different direction. And somehow, suddenly (I still don’t quite understand how), we were REALLY not talking about work…

It definitely gave me a (much needed) ego boost to know that someone was willing to cheat in order to be with me. It made me feel special and wanted in a way that I hadn’t felt in years. When we did get together, the chemistry was like nothing I’d ever felt with anyone else before, and the way he’s praised me ever since is intoxicating. Everything about the situation became like a high that I felt as though I needed to keep chasing. I suppose I still am.

Do you have a story about cheating that you want to share?  Send us a message through our Facebook page if you have something you want to share.

 

 

 

 

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Nadia Elkharadly

Nadia Elkharadly

Nadia Elkharadly is a Toronto based writer with a serious addiction to music. She has never been in a band but plays an awesome air guitar and also the tambourine. Nadia is the co-founder and North American Editor for ADDICTED.
Nadia Elkharadly