These days it seems like anyone single is seriously struggling with the dating world, myself included. Now, I don’t know what this says about me, but I was immediately cheered up when I found out one of my favorite artists ALSO struggles with dating. Misery loves company, especially when that company makes a rad soundtrack to your dating woes. The artist in question is my girl Ralph.
Ralph (Raffa Weyman) is a Toronto based singer/songwriter/musician/pop starlet in the making. Inspired by relationships (with others and with self), much of her music revolves around sex, love, lust, betrayal, and jealousy – basically auto-biographical moments and emotions. Check out her latest, and very aptly themed, video for “Long Distance Lover”:
With more than one billion dates under her belt, Ralph considers herself a dating pro. You name it, she’s done it – breaking up a fight outside a bar for 2 hours just to escape her boring ass date, getting asked out in the grocery store by her tattooed crush of 7 years who never used to acknowledge her presence, being broken up with via skype at 6AM, going on a date with someone only to discover that the bartenders all had a nickname for him because he came there 3 nights a week with different girls and always ordered the same thing and wore the SAME outfit. Despite these ups and downs, Ralph continues to embrace that love is an exciting roller coaster and the good moments are all worth it. Plus all the stories make for really great dinner party banter.
We asked Ralph to share her dating do’s and don’ts, and she was kind enough not only to oblige, but to charm and entertain while she was at it:
DON’T go on a date with someone who only has selfies or mirror shots. Why does this person have no photos taken by someone else? Not even ONE? I dunno, seems suspicious to me. I remember seeing this one guy whose photos were all him, taking a mirror selfie, in the SAME elevator in a variety of different outfits. Those can’t possibly be your only photo options, sir! It freaked me out. No date for you.
DO acknowledge that tindering while drunk is hilarious…but you will make some horrendous mistakes AND your friends will steal your phone and match you with someone whose bio says “i love my mom and my antique stamp collection”.
DO act spontaneously. If you’re chatting to someone and they suddenly ask “what are you doing right now?” and you’re free…go meet them. Why not? Once I dragged my ass out of bed on a rainy thursday afternoon to go on a date with a B-list musician, it was too random and intriguing to pass up. We got a little high and ate ramen and sat in a park for hours. Then I had an allergic reaction to clams and puked and had to go home and he tried to kiss me, which was sort of gross, but point is – don’t overthink, just do it! If anything it will make for a funny story.
DON’T pick that new chicken wing spot for your first date.
DO meet up in a public space. I like parks because you can leave whenever you want, there’s no obligation to stay and “finish your meal” or “wait for the bill” like at a restaurant/bar. It’s also CHEAPER and a cute picnic opportunity.
DO ask your friends if they’ve already been on a date with the person you’re about to meet up with (and if the answer is yes, ggaugehow serious it was. If they went on one date and it was nice but there was no connection, ask your pal how they’d feel if you still went out with said date. I went on a date with a guy and the flame wasn’t there, but he was super cute so I encouraged my friend to meet up with him when they matched on tTinder It went better for her and she ended up seeing him for a couple months! Get it, girl)
DON’T tell your date that you deep insta creeped them for 7 hours. Don’t bring up their trip to Portugal or their ex, and when they eventually tell you all about these things, act surprised. You can laugh about it a year from now if you’re still dating, but do not tell them on the first date. It’s weird. Also if you have any photos of them on your phone (because let’s be honest, we’ve all taken screen grabs from their insta and sent it to our friends) DELETE. Nothing is creepier than your date opening their photo album to show you a funny pic of their pet…and you seeing 5 photos of yourself in the album. Once this happened to a close friend and then her date got embarassed and said “it’s cause I sent pics of you to my mom!” WHYYYYYY
DO notice if your date doesn’t ask any questions about you. If they just talk about themselves the entire night, that’s a dealbreaker, baby.
DON’T open your tinder while on a tinder date. Even if they’re in the washroom and you’re bored. Talking to your other tinder matches while ON a tinder date is just rude, even if the date sucks. Internet dating doesn’t mean we have to lose our humanity, guys.
DO grab your jacket and leave when your date bumps into a friend who says, “ahhh another one eh? You’re cleaning up on tinder!” You are a unique and beautiful rose, not “yet another” another tinder conquest – don’t forget that.
DON’T take it personally if the date lasts for under an hour. Once I went on a tinder date and it was obvious within the first ten minutes that we were not a match. When the bartender came over to ask if we wanted another round, my date immediately was like, “I think we’re good to get the bill, right?” I was offended at first because we were only 50 minutes into the date, but then realized y’know what, yes, let’s call it! There’s no point in wasting each other’s time if the vibe isn’t there, respect to him for being honest.
DO listen to your gut. If they say they can drive you home, but you’re getting a weird vibe, just tell them you want to walk and have to call your mom back anyways. Always listen to that gut!
DO try to enter the date with no expectations or “rules”. I think spontaneity is the spice of life. I’ve personally never had a rule about how many dates before I go home with someone, I think it all depends on the person and the situation. I’ve gone home with a guy after one date, because the sexual tension was insane and we both wanted it, but I’ve also waited until after five dates because I was enjoying getting to know someone without physicality complicating it. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about this, this part of dating is purely personal and comes down to whatever makes YOU feel good. Again, ties back the “listen to your gut” point.
DON’T get psyched out if the date went well and then you didn’t kiss or do more afterwards. First dates are weird and people get nervous, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t an attraction. Wait before you freak out and drink a bottle of wine alone and smoke a pack of cigarettes while listening to Joni Mitchell ‘Both Sides Now’ over and over. They just might text you and apologize for the awkward goodbye hug and ask you out again!
DO send a follow up text, whether it’s a “hope you got home safe!” or a “hey, tonight was really fun”. It goes a long way. I’m a sucker for a sweet little follow up, and to be honest, I always notice if I don’t get one after a first hang out.
DO judge them based on the cleanliness of their bed sheets. If you end up back at their place, look at their sheets and ask yourself “do I want to be wrapped in those?” This is a MAKE OR BREAK SITUATION, PEOPLE.
DO make a note of it if they don’t walk you out in the morning. If they say “you can let yourself out” or “do you remember the way out?” while lying in bed with their eyes closed…generally not a good sign. I remember having that happen years ago and honestly I never forgot it and didn’t go back. These are crucial moments that help us judge their true character!
DON’T get discouraged! I downloaded and deleted tinder like 4 times and felt like dating was a waste…but eventually met my wonderful, handsome boyfriend on there! Our first date we hung in the park and even peed together in a bush, we didn’t kiss but he biked me home and did a follow up text. Dating is fucked and there isn’t any rhyme or reason, but don’t give up!
Follow Ralph on social media for more awesome tunes and dating advice at the links below!