For this week’s guide to sexual misconceptions, we’re going to delve into casual encounters. In this day and age, when you can find a new sexual partner just as easily as you can shop for a new pair of shoes, casual sex is the name of the game. And since we are usually more discerning about said shoes than said partners, we figured we’d share some of the things we’ve noticed men doing or trying in and out of the bedroom, when we’ve just met them.
1) The guy who thinks that no glove still means YES LOVE
These days, most people know more about their mailmen than the people they have sex with, so why, pray tell, are men STILL going around thinking that it’s okay to go bareback in a firstime sex session? You know who I’m talking about. It’s the guy who plays Russian Roulette with his sexual health, and expects you to pull the trigger. If I’ve just met you, whether it be at a bar, through an app or a set up through a mutual friend, unless discussions were had, tests were taken and trust has been established, please don’t make me ask you to be a responsible adult and pull out a condom. We know it doesn’t feel as good, we can feel too, in case you weren’t sure.
You know what probably feels worse? A flare up of the herp.
2) Poopchute Predators
I don’t know that anyone, gay or straight, male or female, adventurous or otherwise, would be okay with someone slipping them a surprise appendage in their butthole. And if they are, that’s their business, because best case, it’s rude, worst case, it’s, well, WORSE! When it comes to anal sex, permission, preparation and communication are KEY. This is not a zone where surprises are acceptable, which also usually means that it’s NOT something you just go ahead and try during a first encounter with a new partner. So why is it that men always seem to think it’s a fine and dandy idea to surreptitiously slip something in where the sun don’t shine? This isn’t a sneak attack on enemy territory here; this is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable experience. Next time, instead of just trying to jam your man wand into a lady’s pooper, try asking if that’s something she’d like to partake in. A willing and enthusiastic participant is a welcome guest to any sexy party, and that applies no matter what direction that party seems to be taking.
3) Casper the FEELINGS ghost
One of the most common misconceptions when it comes to casual hookups is that feelings are instantly developed upon the completion of said sexual encounter, or that feelings are what initiated the hookup in the first place. Not to generalize here, but for ease of reference I’ll discuss the most common scenario: the guy assumes the girl is obsessed with him after they have sex. No, your dick didn’t release a magical mist that lulled me into a hazy love for you. All it released was your typical junk, and it probably landed somewhere inconvenient. Casual sex and feelings are typically mutually exclusive, so let’s not muddy the waters any further by jumping to unnecessary conclusions, shall we? Just because a lady is interested in round two of a good times had by all game of sex doesn’t mean she’s looking to lock you down. So before you go ghosting on a gal who’s more interested in what’s in your pants than what’s in your heart, remind yourself that hey, women like sex too. And if it was good, they probably want more of it. So get your egos in check, stock up on the aforementioned condoms and forget those FEELINGS you’re so worried about. Trust us, they were never there to begin with.