Last weekend, I got the chance to spend some time with some old girlfriends up at a cottage. As girlfriends do, we hung out, we cooked, we drank wine, and, of course, we talked. There were seven of us in all, 3 singles, 3 marrieds, one coupled, so naturally the talking drifted to the topics of romance and relationships. Being one of the singles, and also needing some inspiration for this article, I took the opportunity of a captive audience lubricated by pinot grigio, and asked my married friends what advice they would give to their single friends. It didn’t take long before the floodgates to open, and the advice flow like the wine before it. So ladies, take note, this is gold straight from the mouths of the marrieds.
This one was clearly inspired by years of listening single friends analyzing every text message, social media interaction and real life encounter with the skill of a highly trained FBI investigator. The overall sentiment was that single gals spend far too much time thinking about their dating situations, and far too little time actually enjoying them. Say the marrieds, if things are going well, just enjoy them, because no amount of over analysis will change things if they aren’t meant to be. Don’t waste time making excuses for guys when they aren’t acting the way you wish they would. Or, in the very blunt words of a mother of one brandishing a wine glass; “he’s just not that into you, so go with it!”
Friendship is key to a good relationship
Two of the married gals in our crew were actually friends with their now husbands before a relationship ever came to be. One woman actually met her husband in high school, but they didn’t date until they graduated from university. While the rest of us probably aren’t going to be flipping through old yearbooks and checking Facebook to see which guys aged best, the principle still applies. Whether you end up shacking with someone you sat beside in calculus, or you’re gearing up for the 5th date with your latest Tinder find, remember that things are better when you’re friends with your person. A foundation of friendship makes a relationship better, stronger, and more fun, so nurture the one you’ve already built, or grow a new one with that new person. Married people say so.
The above could very easily be avoided by following this sage advice. As married ladies have learned from day in and day out living with manfolk, they’re not psychic. Some of them aren’t even that emotionally intelligent. As a result, married women have learned, and are now teaching other women, to communicate with their spouses. As stated by my other married friend, wine glass much depleted “Say what you want when you want, people can’t read your mind!” So, if there’s something that needs to be said, just say it. If there’s something that needs to be said to you, just listen and let it be said.
Nothing and no one is perfect, not even you
Yes single ladies, according to my married friends, we really are being too picky. There is no perfect man, just like how we aren’t perfect ourselves. People can so quick to dismiss potential partners for incredibly superficial reasons (I should know, I’m one of those people). But when you find the right person and actually decide to partner up, little things like height, hair color, fashion sense and shoe size aren’t going to make or break your relationship. We should all have standards of course, but these gals recommend pick one or two big “dealbreakers” and letting the rest go. That mental image of the ideal mate you’ve been carrying around in your mind is only serving to blind you to the possibility of someone great walking into your life. So open your eyes, open your mind and maybe that special someone will walk through that open door you just created in your life.
Sex makes things better
Can you guess which piece of advice turned out to be my favorite? That’s right, married people confirm that sex is very important in a relationship, so single gals, take note! Whether you’re in a new relationship, or an established one, sex does wonders for romance at any stage. From diffusing tension after a fight, increasing intimacy and just plain enjoying helping the person you’re with get his/her rocks off, sex is essential to a good relationship. So have it, have it frequently and variably and enjoy yourself!
Singles/marrieds/coupled/whatevers, got any advice? Tweet us at @weraddicted and share!