Our Addicted to Love series is all about dating in the real world, so we love to rep as many real person perspectives as we can. Who knows, maybe the more we’re open and frank, the less confusion we’ll have to deal with in the future (I can have my own delusions, thanks). One of our readers put together this list of tell-tale signs that you need the GTFO of your current boy situation. Stop, drop and roll right outta fiery mess!
You know that period after breaking up with someone when you begin to realize how much you truly despise about that person? Obviously this is 100% normal, but the scary part is that you never really noticed all of the messed up behavior to begin with.
The last guy I dated is someone who I initially thought was a very motivated, driven, and passionate human being. Although he does, indeed, possess some of those traits, most of his personality was a façade. He seemed so charming to me when I first got to know him. He was dedicated to finding success, knew what he wanted and I kinda found that hot. Finally, a dude in the same industry as me that has balls…
A year and a half goes by and I realize I’ve gained weight, I’m unhappy, I don’t have the horseshoe up my ass that I used to and my group of friends is slowly dissipating.
My fault? TOTALLY.
I’m obviously in control of my life, so the decisions I make are my own. But how did I not realize that the drain on my happiness was the person sleeping next to me? How did I not notice I was in an emotionally abusive relationship? Who was I, and how did I even get there to begin with?!
So, here are 10 signs that you should get the f*ck out. Hindsight is 20/20, but take it from me.
- He is morally and literally bankrupt.
If he’s living with you but isn’t paying rent, and you find yourself covering most of the groceries, the cable, Internet, transportation fees – oh, and your own birthday drinks – then drag his ass to the door and call him a cab, ‘cause he sure as hell can’t afford one himself.
Also, if he’s pushing 30 and his mother pays his phone bill?
GET. THE. EFF. OUT.
- He’s a motherf*cking sloth.
So he won’t leave the couch to clean his dirty dishes for two days, even though he “works from home” (if he’s working at all)? This is just sad. You want a guy who is neat, tidy and takes care of his own mess. If he can’t even do that, how is he ever going to deal with a metaphorical mess in the future?
- He’s House Of Cards-level manipulative.
He’ll deny it ‘til he’s blue in the face, but I’m sorry…if you feel like he’s manipulating you to get what he wants, he probably is. When I told my ex that I might have to cancel the cable to save money, his response was, “great, can’t wait to see what’s next!” That’s some pretty f*ucked up shit, especially if he’s the reason you have cable in the first place; ESPECIALLY if he isn’t even helping you pay for it!!
- He makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
You have a spontaneous night of drinking with your girlfriends after work, and he’s in a foul mood because you chose not to come home early to hang out with him. If he uses the line, “I’d like to at least know that you’d want me there,” just run for the hills. Get out.
- He has a bad relationship with his parents.
If your dude goes weeks without speaking to his parents over money, or something as silly as changing plans last minute, you’ve got yourself a problem. It’s so true when people say that the way a guy treats his mom is a definite sign of how he’s going to treat you. While his family might love each other deep down, on the surface they’re spiteful and vindictive. You’re gonna want to avoid that BIG time. If he doesn’t have a mature, loving and supporting relationship with his family, how is he ever going to have that with you?
- He smells putrid.
Your apartment smells like actual dead people, and it never has before. What gives?! OMG, it’s his towel, and his t-shirts stuffed into your laundry basket full of your clothes. Are you kidding me?! Get that checked out or wear proper deodorant and please stop using mine. Stop sweating so much, or at least have the courtesy to do your laundry before I have to incinerate half my wardrobe.
- He’s a hot head.
If he’s easily angered, watch out. You don’t need to be with someone who punches walls in a fit of rage. You deserve someone that will find other ways to let their stress out.
- He doesn’t respect his own body.
Let me guess: he complains about how chubs he is, but he won’t do anything about it? He continues to lie there like a fat slob, eating junk food and drinking beer? Don’t get me wrong; I love my fair share of cheating and indulging on junk. But when it becomes a daily routine where he’s throwing his last pennies into a night of binge drinking (using money he owes to his friends), it means he has no respect for his body. Period
- He thinks about himself and himself only.
It’s pretty bad when his own friends get frustrated because he does what he wants, when he wants, without taking their feelings into consideration. If he doesn’t respect anyone and he’s pulling favors from his friends all of the time (without returning them), you can bet your sorry ass he probably won’t respect you either.
- You only vaguely recall what it feels like to climax.
If your dude suddenly stops sleeping with you because he has “too much on his mind” (even when you’ve tried to have more mature conversations about it than you can count), it’s not worth it. If you’re not having regular sex a year into your relationship, your future’s looking pretty bleak. You DEFINITELY don’t want a selfish lover, either. If the guy sits there, flops like a fish and expects you to do all the work, he is straight up lazy and it’s such a turn-off. Come on, guys! Ladies like a man who can sometimes take charge and show their passionate side!
Overall, if you’re frustrated by any number of these, you’re literally getting nothing out of your relationship. So why are you in it? Grow a pair of balls and get out. Too many girls stick around because it’s all they know, or it’s comfortable, or it’s too hard to part with the person that “knows you better than anyone.”
If your relationship is emotionally draining, I can guarantee that you’ll be happier once you rip off the Band-Aid and head for the hills.
You deserve true happiness and if that’s on your own, then so be it!
I got out, and I’ve honestly never felt lighter, better, or happier. No more anxiety, no more weight on my chest, and definitely no more compromising. I’m back to bliss.
You can be strong enough to do what’s best for yourself.
I was, and I still am.
Get the f*ck out.