Nowadays, with all the available technology and an apparent lack of time to actually interact, most gay men have taken to using gay apps such as Grindr, Scruff, Jack’d and so on to communicate and to meet potential, well, meat! Of the male persuasion, of course.
Here lies the problem: in an already visually based world, where we all seem to do is judge each other solely based on a handsome face, a perfect six pack or a full beard (in the case of Scruff), we have forgotten a few key things. One: real world dating and, you know, talking face to face, can actually be a really fun experience, and still the best way to get to know someone and see if he’s a good fit for you. Two: life doesn’t revolve around great looks and having the perfect body. Three: Sex is more then just asking “are you a top or bottom” and having that person come over and bang you, only to slip away before the sun comes up.
As an ex-model and a gay man, I know that how you look really does play a part in defining who you are, but I also know there’s so much more to a person than how he looks. When did we lose the art of conversation? When did we forget that the countless men that you are blocking on these apps have feelings? When did we start needing to define ourselves as bears, leather daddies, twinks or jocks? And when did we all climb up onto our high horses and decide that we’re all the best thing going? When did everyone decide we should partake in this ridiculous game of cat and mouse… or should I say top and bottom?
At the end of the day, these apps are just that: a platform that is used to meet people nearby for the purposes of friendship, dating, sex, and I guess anything in between. There’s value in giving someone a chance and getting to know him based on personality, common interest and real life chemistry. We shouldn’t lose that simply because clicking through pictures on an app is easier and faster than the old fashioned way. I guess my point at the end of all of this is, when did we get lost in the grind, and will we ever find our way back? I hope for all our sakes, we do!