What is casual sex? It’s – supposedly – sex with no emotional connection, no strings attached, and, most of all, no drama. Sadly, that is rarely the case. Apparently, no matter what your laid back intentions are toward sex, the word casual usually flies out the window the moment actual sex comes to pass. So after being bitten in my own ass by this particular predicament, I figured I should take it upon myself to help us all navigate the murky waters of casual sex. And when I say casual sex, I mean both one night stands (one night, even just a few hours is enough for things to go awry) and more lengthy fuck buddy type situations. So here are some basic rules we should all adhere to to keep things simple and sexy at the same time.
1) Be HONEST with each other
I’m not talking about sharing all your hopes and dreams with your fuck buddy. I’m talking about the basic sharing of facts that should be shared if this kind of situation is entered into. This means important information like your relationship status (I have no interest in being a party to cheating and the drama and lack of respect that inevitably comes with that), what your expectations are of the situation (no feelings, just sex) as well as how much or little time you’re willing to put towards these sexual endeavors. I’m also talking about not LYING. This is especially important when it comes to your relationship sitch. If you’re just not into your guy or gal sexually anymore but don’t want to break up with them, this doesn’t give you license to outsource your sexual needs. Don’t be dishonest just to ensure you get what you’re hoping you’ll be getting. Things will stay simple if you just keep things simple from the beginning.
2) Be respectful.
This goes hand in hand with the honesty thing. Even though you may be sexing with no strings attached, that doesn’t mean you need to forgo basic human decency towards one another. Remember that your play friend is also a person. I’m not talking about sharing deep dark secrets, life stories or hopes and passions. Generally a casual sex sitch stays fun longer when those details are left unsaid. All I’m saying is, try to show some common courtesy and respect to your sex buddy’s body and brain before you tear his or her clothes off. Also key? And this one is for the boys; there’s no need to be cold/mean/rude/jerky/whatever to your fuck buddy just because you’re scared she’ll grow feelings. As a vagina owner I can tell you that we are not the sappy soulflowers you seem to think we are. If you treat us poorly, chances are we won’t be fucking you again. Don’t be a dick about things, just use that dick of yours properly and we’ll stick around without trying to lock you down for life.
3) Actually keep it casual.
This also goes back to the “keep it simple” piece of the puzzle. Don’t over-complicate things with feelings and expectations, while also laying off the drama. If your situation is just an every once in a while thing, you can’t expect this person to be your date to events. You can’t expect him or her to answer immediately every time you text or call. You can’t count on them for pretty much anything besides being occasionally available for your orgasmic needs. And even then, there are limits. And most of all, DO NOT casually sleep with someone in the hopes that their feelings for you will turn into something more, because you actually like this person as more than a fuck buddy. That is a recipe not only for disaster, but for a broken heart as well.
4) Know when it’s time to end things.
End things if you foresee any of the above being an issue. If you are developing feelings, it’s time to end things. If you’re not feeling like things are fair, equal or open enough to keep the situation fun, it’s time to end things. If the sex isn’t as fun as it once was, it’s time to end things. A casual sex situation isn’t something you work on. It’s something that should be working for you. The moment it’s not, get out. Trust me.
5) Know when enough is enough.
The thing with casual sex situations is that the lines are always going to be a little blurred. You were never together, so when things are over, it’s not really a breakup. Radio silence generally leads to a drifting apart that marks the end of your sexual relationship. As a result either party may be tempted to pick up the phone and send a late night drunk text message to reignite the flame that was the entire interaction. That can be just fine – that’s the great thing about an extended casual sex situation. However, if you or the other person haven’t adhered to the above rules, chances are things have gotten problematic along the way. Chances also are that someone’s bound to no longer be interested in the result and it’s best to keep things separate from now on. Be honest with yourself and know when it’s time to call it quits and find a new fuck friend.
So with these simple rules in mind, all of you go forth and engage in safe casual sex adventures! As for me, my vagina and I are on strike until conditions in the casual sex scene improve.