Ask an Expert: When men taking flirting too far on a dating app

When you find yourself out of your comfort zone, seeking some advice is often a good idea. As we all know, dating is not my best skill. So rather than keep bumbling through the dark, I decided to ask an expert for some dating advice. Meet Carmelia Ray! 

Carmelia is a Celebrity Matchmaker, Dating Coach and Online Dating Expert. She has over 25 years experience in matchmaking, and has helped over 7000 people find love. She even provides business development for companies in the dating industry.  That’s right, she helps people who make datings apps. With that kind of experience, I figured she could help me out with some online dating guidance.

I recently reached out to Carmelia with this conundrum.

I’d recently matched with a super cute guy on a dating app. The conversation was going great until he started making some very forward comments, first about my appearance/physique, then leading to some blatantly sexual comments. How would you recommend handling things when the conversation takes a turn like this? Is the guy out of line, or am I wrong to be somewhat offended by this behavior?

This was her advice.

Typically your first reaction when a guy starts making physical compliments followed by blatant sexual comments is to be offended. I totally get this gut reaction. Men are visual beings and it’s hard for them to hold back on how they truly feel when they’re attracted to a woman. To begin with, try on being flattered and not offended. While offputting, remember that this guy probably doesn’t have malicious intentions.
When a guy is taking it too far or being overtly sexual, it’s a matter of you communicating your comfort level and asking him what HIS intentions are. Most guys need some guidance, and a dating coach! LOL. They speak to women like one of the guys and they don’t automatically filter their sexual thoughts. You can turn things around by viewing his blatant sexual comments as unsolicited flattery and responding with something like, “I get that you’re into me physically but I’m feeling like we may not be on the same page.” 
 
Allow him to respond and give him the benefit of the doubt. If his remarks are truly just too far or way out of your comfort zone, then communicate that to him. You’re not wrong to have uncomfortable feelings, and it’s best to be very clear and to let the guy know the pace and direction you want to take your conversations. 
 
Happy Dating! 
 
Love, 
Carmelia
Do you have a question for Carmelia? Tweet at us at@weraddicted and we will get your questions answered right here in our Addicted to Love column.  In the meantime, learn more about Carmelia through social medi and her website below!
Nadia Elkharadly

Nadia Elkharadly

Nadia Elkharadly is a Toronto based writer with a serious addiction to music. Corporate drone by day, renegade rocker by night, writing is her creative outlet. Nadia has written for the Examiner (.com) on live music in Toronto and Indie Music in Canada, and was a weekly columnist for Don't Believe a Word I Say. She has never been in a band but plays an awesome air guitar and also the tambourine. Nadia is the co-founder, Managing Editor and resident Music lover (and editor) for Addicted.
Nadia Elkharadly

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